Money, Relationships.... and what no one tells you until it's over

Money is one of those things we don’t really talk about… until we absolutely have to.

In this conversation, I’m joined by Liz Harrington, an EFT coach who works with women around money, financial trauma, and what actually happens behind the scenes in relationships, especially when things end.

We get into the reality of how women often end up on the back foot financially, not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because of the systems, the dynamics, and the conversations that never happened in the first place.

We talk about money mindset, the beliefs we’ve carried since childhood, and how they shape everything from what we earn, to what we ask for, to what we think we deserve.

And we also go into the practical side things like protection, pensions, and why understanding your financial situation isn’t about being negative… it’s about being able to stand on your own two feet, whatever happens.

There’s also a live EFT tapping exercise in this episode, so you can actually experience what it feels like to shift some of this in real time.

It’s not doom and gloom, but it is honest.

And it might make you think about a few things you’ve been avoiding.

Get in touch with Liz Harrington

https://www.facebook.com/TheEFTCoach

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lizhancocktheeftcoach

https://www.instagram.com/lizhancock_theeftcoach/

https://www.tiktok.com/@theeftcoach

www.theeftcoach.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:30

I guess it's we just helping we need to release money from these financial tweets, software all these information they still do all good emergency. Well, giving them financial security and benefits and then an investment that clients get by working with her makes the investment completely liberal. This also coaches separating a default women to heal, feel empowered and financially savvy after the 12% of many ways that are so often involved in the default process. Liz's main tool that she uses alongside her coaching skills is that of ESP, emotional freedom technique, aka staffing skill, which she describes as expensive without the needles. Liz is an expert in commerce, specifically in how it relates to money and relationships, both in her training as well as her own personal experience, which has Liz aspiring her to reach, heal, and empower as many women as possible. I am super excited to hear about Liz's work. So let's get into it. So, Liz, before we dive in, do you want to give us a little bio about yourself or just like who you are, what you do?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Yeah, sure. Okay, cool. So yeah, that's a good question. Why do I do what I do? Um, which I will I will cover. But about me, um, I'm Liz Harrington. I am the EFT coach and I also run a business called Family Flow, the Divorce Collective, and um, which actually is so related to money. Um, divorce is about children and money and relationships ending. And um, and I've been kind of drawn into that from the work that I did with women on their money mindset, on financial trauma, which is so often through relationship breakup, because we do generally, it's a very broken system. Um, whether you're divorced, uh whether you're married or not, especially if you're not married, um, it's a very broken system, and we end up really on the back foot as women, generally. Generally, obviously, everything I talk about today is a generalization, but it's also kind of true. So I don't apologize for that, I just caveat it slightly in case there's any men listening. Um, I'm not a man hater, but I am a feminist. Um, so yeah, I don't know how much you want me to tell you about, but I kind of fell into this work, used to work in HR, um, always been quite passionate about like equal rights for men and women, and um had my babies, ended up doing this weird thing called EFT tapping, um, very much as a hobby job, and then needed to take it a bit more seriously and kind of carve out a niche. So finances and its relation to business became my niche. So I do a bit of a little bit of work with um entrepreneurs as well, helping them with their money mindset, increasing their prices without freaking out, all that kind of stuff. Um, and obviously that's how how we met. So it's it's awesome. I love that too. Um, yeah. So is is that enough? Any specific?

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Yeah, no, that's a good, I guess it gives people a bit of a flavour of like where we're going to be going in this episode. So it's obviously it's about finance, it's about women in finance, and in that way, then what happens, you know, it's the things that you don't want to think about, but you know, if you separated from a partner, things like that, obviously that's your area of expertise as well. Um, with your family flow business. Um, and quite frankly, I mean, you think you were very kind, but women can really just get completely fucked over.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

They can, absolutely. Um yeah, and I guess it's in that way what I think I was thinking it was quite it would be quite nice to get out um of this is that that women, whoever the people who are listening, kind of it makes them think like, gosh, where am I with this? Where am I with that? And you know, it's not to be doom and gloom, but it's like how protected are you? What are the conversations that you're you're having? Because you know, it's so important, isn't it? And afterwards, you you find so many horror stories um about yeah, yeah, what happens in the aftermath of things, and it's really it's quite scary.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

It's really, it is terrifying, and um, you're absolutely right, we do get completely fucked over, the system is broken. Um, and that's why I've written a book and it's almost finished: Money, Marriage and Motherhood, how not to get fucked over. Um, because actually, once you you're in a divorce, sometimes it's a bit too late. I mean, it's never completely too late. You can start again and you can rebuild, but we have so many women that are left financially destitute, and especially the ones that have given up work and have um stayed at home to raise the kids, or even not been the primary um breadwinner, have maybe taken a career break or worked part-time, or think, oh, I'll have my own business. So they haven't paid into a private pension, and you know, we're massively on the back foot. And actually, if you do protect yourself, it's not about, oh, well, surely if I trust my husband, then I shouldn't need to do this. Like, I think everyone should absolutely always have a prenup. There's no way my kids are getting married without one, I'm not getting ever married ever again without one, it's just not happening. Um, they are good because they force the conversations that you should be having anyway, and hopefully you'll never need it. But if you do, it's gonna be so much kinder. And um, and it's not about mistrust or like tempting fate. It's actually if you do this and you don't break up, you're gonna have more money in your retirement. It's good for both of you, not just you. Yeah, so it's a it's a complete no-brainer, but we just don't know until very often it's too late.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah. And I guess also, sorry, not to skip back, but it's almost like, and it's I think again, especially for women, it kind of goes back to that mindset thing, doesn't it? That starts way before this kind of situation. It's like as women, we we ask for less, we're paid less. There is, you know, these things exist, like a pay gender, gender pay gap. All of this is real, like these are things that we all feel and see every day. I mean, and that's just like the the big obvious ones. But in general, we're already at a bit of a disadvantage um in that way from where we come from, a mindset position, and never mind before you add in all of our generational things around money, what we could ask for, what we should ask for. And yeah, I guess in that way, like it's yeah, it's it might it blows my mind um when you think when you think about that. And especially I think as well, when you and I'm saying from my own my own uh perspective, it's like I was the first to go to university from my family. And in that way, it's almost like you outperform um you know your parents in like that socioeconomic status and gone through the kind of ceiling. You've gone through that ceiling, haven't you? And it's like even if you don't, you know, yeah, it just from doing that, you it just puts you in a completely different perspective, and it it's like you're not used to that, it's different to what to what you you have known.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Yeah, absolutely. There's so much in what you say, Karen. Like I agree with every word, and um one of the reasons I love doing this work is because it's so it's just so interesting, and um, you know, everyone has money programming from when they were little, and one of the processes I do is going back to that through visualization and then the tapping. And what was your early money, earliest money memory? And obviously, for women, it's often their mums, and their mums are what's given a an allowance quite often back then, counting the pennies and um you know, having to balance the books. Money was scarce a lot more than it is now, it wasn't as accessible, not for everyone, obviously. Um, and then there might be control around money if the man of the house went out to work and was like, Well, what have you spent money on? And you know, it's so all those things, and I think it is very different messages that we as women, as young little girls, absorb as opposed to little boys, you know, because you can't you can't deny there's that gender, gender difference. Um, and uh really interesting what you say about the going to uni, because we all have a family set point, and we can make um subconscious and conscious, but very often subconscious vows to remain loyal to our family struggle. So I know when I was at work, I really struggled to get over 50 grand a year because I felt like I was being disloyal to my dad because that's he he earned like 49 or something, and I just felt like, gosh, I don't want to shame, I don't want my dad, you know, don't want him to feel bad about himself, even though I I wouldn't have ever told him what I was earning. I guess I would if I if he'd asked, but um, and that in itself is an interesting con conversation. Why don't we talk about what we earn? You know, there's so much shame and and worry about it. So um, yeah, that that family set point is a huge thing. And some people might make a conscious decision. Well, I am going to, I'm not going to be poor like my family were. I'm going to make it and I'm going to do really well. And often they do, and they earn a lot of money, but then they might not feel comfortable having it, so they throw it away, they spend a lot, um, or they or they give it away to other people. So um, or they just feel really bad about it, and they can end up being one of those people that earns loads, crashes out, earns loads, crashes out, you know, makes really bad investment decisions or whatever. Um, and it's all almost always, well, in my world, I've always been able to relate it to how they grew up around money. Yeah. And and and also traumatic experiences with relationships with bosses. Bosses can have a massive influence on our kind of earning set points.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

So right, what in house what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Well, um, so I think I I've had quite a few um entrepreneurial clients who have come from jobs where they were either let go of um, maybe it was really difficult and and quite conflicted, or even a redundancy situation, but um, but quite often, so so that is trauma in itself and creates a I'm not good enough feel, I'm not good enough to charge. How how can I earn more than I earned when I was at work? Um, but often if you had a difficult boss that wouldn't promote you or wouldn't put you above a certain amount of money, then you you carry that through. It's like this little invisible voice that keeps telling you, Oh, who do you think you are earning that much money? And and I I did have a difficult boss like that, and I knew I I should earn more. Um, but he I don't just don't think he liked me. I was too straight talking and not sort of corporate enough for him. And I didn't have a degree, um, which he he really didn't like. So I was forced upon him because I was transferred from another company into his, and he never would have given me a job if um that hadn't been forced upon him. So, you know, that that was I have had to do work on that because it really damaged my self-esteem. Um yeah, it's it's it's quite funny now looking back, but at the time it was it was you know it was significant, absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

And I think in that way as well, it's like I love how and like Gabor Mata, he always talks about like big T, little T, trauma is trauma, whether it's you know huge or perceived, uh death is whatever, it's still trauma if it's things that you would carry around. And I think I see this um in my um coaching practice with some of my clients who have massively outperformed. Um, and I'm saying outperform, that sounds so harsh, but I mean it it's fact, it's that's that's the word, right? But um of where their family, uh family basis came from, like maybe you know, they were very working class when they were um a child, but now they're a hundred percent some bougie, lovely lifestyle that they're loving, but they also feel really guilty about it. And I think sometimes that's where you can also get really disconnected from yourself somehow because you start performing different things for different people and in different roles because oh god, I can't be too much there, I can't talk about oh, I just bought a lovely bag who did do all of these different things, they don't have that, so I can't talk about this, I can't do this with my family because then they're gonna think who the bloody else you think she is, kind of thing, like and then again with friends, with whatever. Yeah, and I think it's so it's just a really, really tricky sense, isn't it? And then in the end, you're living your life for lots of other people and not really for you for your your own self in that in that way.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Absolutely, yeah. And I think we always have to remember that other people have exactly the same, um, not the same beliefs, and but the and it I'm thinking about my sister and um specifically, but like they can have exactly the same upbringing as you, the same kind of influences, but can feel completely different for whatever reason, and can get very triggered by you if you're really successful. So I remember I was um I paid, I got front row tickets for um the ABBA musical, whatever I can't remember what it was called. No, no, no, sorry, yeah. Years this was years and years ago, and um and I was really excited to my mum, I was gonna take my mum and my sister, I thought it'd be a really nice day in London, it was my treat, and my sister went nuts and it was just like that's just you flashing your cash, and she didn't come in the end. Um yeah, and it was it was devastating at the time, really, really devastating. And I'm like, that was the I was so far from the truth, but that was her truth, and she put me over it. Um, you know, when I moved into this house, um they my dad told she's finding it really difficult because you know, you've done so well out of your divorce. And I'm like, she's literally looked at right move and probably assumed I've sold my house for a million pounds and moved into this one, which was a lot less than that. Um, but I didn't sell it for it sold for a million, but it was mortgaged up to the hilt. So it's not the money I got, and it's just like we so often don't know the full story, but we make these assumptions, and um, and it's really sad because it has it's massively impacted our relationship, and and then you have to work that through or make peace with it or do whatever. So yeah, so a lot of every a lot of the stuff I hear, I'm like, yeah, I've kind of been as always.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

I get that, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Yeah, yeah, which which clients tend to like generally. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, well, yeah, I guess in that way, like you can relate, can't don't you? So in that way, what would be like what are the most common sort of limiting beliefs that you find around that you hear um around money and what are the things that we can do? Um, which I'm alluding to lead on to some Yeah, yeah, but um yeah, what are the biggest things that you hear?

SPEAKER_02 15:45

I think the biggest thing is for me, and especially in my work with divorcing women, is that they don't see their, they don't value their contribution. So take a, for example, a stay-at-home um wife or someone that has really put their career on the back burner, and they don't see the their contribution, they don't value it, um, especially if the kids are older. And and and there's an injustice, and they're like, I've spent my whole life raising the kids, and now if I went and got a job, I'm being told to get a job for the first time in 20, 30, sometimes 40 years, what can I do? I'd be minimum wage. Like, how can I pay a mortgage on that? And um and and they don't realise, and this is partly a legal thing, that actually it's a marital pot, and 50-50 is only starting a starting point. You don't get compensation for the fact that you gave up your work and you know have not really got much career prospects now, sadly. You don't get compensated for it, as in actual compensation, but that does come into it. So, therefore, you might get a bigger portion of the pot. You know, you might be able to get some spousal maintenance for a while. You used to be able to get that quite easily, it's really hard now. Um, but I don't want to get too into the legalities, but the like until we get their belief system running, which is a balance because you don't want to get them too sort of angry and like, oh, I deserve loads of money for everything I've given up, because actually, if they don't get it, they're gonna feel really awful. So it is a balance, but to have that feeling of like actually, like, and one of the exercises we do, I've well got a um one of our um free um resources, is actually adding up what you do at home, you'll you would be not if if you if you'd had to employ someone to do that, you'd be paying them about 50 grand at least, and a lot of other calculations are like it's between 50 and 80 grand for for everything you do. So start valuing yourself so that you've got the confidence to say, actually, that's not fair. Um, but it's it runs so deeply, and it's very much well, that's his money. And I see this with I've got um some really dear friends, there's four of us that go out, and their husbands earn a lot of money. And I I know that obviously they'll spend happily spend it on the house and stuff like that, but when we go out and it's just us four, there is a consciousness of money, and and it might be just because they earn a lot more than me, and um, I've been a bit cash-strapped since my divorce a few times, but um, you know, I know there's a discomfort and they don't see it as their money. I'm like, you've been married to him for like 20 years, of course it's your money. And um, we don't really have those conversations, but um, but we occasionally we we sort of touch on them, and and I just think, oh, after all that time, you're still viewing it as his money. Look at everything you've done and and how you've contributed to him getting where he's got, which is amazing, and and you know, because they are very clever or very career-driven, whatever, but um, but they they're not always recognising their part in that, and um and and that I mean I used to get really cross about it, I don't get cross about it anymore, but um I do I I guess I sometimes get a bit frustrated, um, because in the end it comes back to us not valuing our worth and our contribution, and it's massive, it's it's huge.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

It's yeah, it's huge. I think there's I it took me about three years to read this book, not because it was boring, it was just so much information to take in. But there's a book called um donor economics, and this lady, she's a she's an economist who was coming out of university saying like this model's broken, it doesn't work like this. So she wanted to look at a different way of um economics, and so she's got like obviously the donut, and there's I think I can't remember now, I think there's like eight different chapters around it. She called Kate Rew, Rareworth, Raw, something like that. And one of them is about the unpaid community, and that's around like women who women who um stay at home to take care of their children, um, or even like that the part-time um role that they might take, the discrepancy between working and then taking time out to have children and the dropping your pension pots and things like this, and then also moving on from that. Um if you are working part-time, actually, if you incorp incorporate into that the full-time job of your mother job, if we just say it's a job, then actually like your hourly rate is pretty fucking shit because you're basically working 24 hours a day for very, very little.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

And then when you factor on top of that, like the grandparents who might come in and help that are not being paid either, like that's such a huge part that helps our economy function and operate, but it's just not acknowledged in in any way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

It I completely agree with you. And on grandparents, like it's very often the mothers, the the or the female, even if you don't have children, the female um person that is doing the care of the elderlies, even if it's their in-laws and not their direct parents. You know, it's it's very often that. Um, and you know, it's yes, we're more caring and nurturing and all those things, but it's not it's not equitable, it's not fair. Um and we might want to do that, and that's lovely, but I think when you know it's not just about the money you have in your pocket and feeling good about yes, this is my money, it's not just my husband's money, it's family money, but it is also, like you say, the the pension. Um, and you know, and and also let's be realistic, women tend to live longer than men. So if if you're not married, you don't have access to their pension, or they haven't got a death in service payment, or you know, various things, or life insurance, that kind of thing, which generally men often take care of those things. We don't necessarily worry about them, they're not sort of in our consciousness a lot of the time. Um, and so it might not be divorce, it might be just Sadly, the death of your spouse. And if you don't know anything about the finances, what even to the point where like who do we bank with? Some people don't even know that. Or how do I get into our joint account? If you haven't got the thing set up, like not just a will, but power of attorney and lasting power of attorney, it's like those things that I don't know loads about, but I know enough. Like they're really important because you're like, oh well, I'll just get their money if they die. Well, it takes a long time and it's a lot of work. And if you're dealing with your grief, sorting out like funerals and all that kind of stuff, looking after your kids if you've got them with their grief. How are you supposed to do all that as well when you're starting from scratch and you haven't got a clue and you can't even get you don't even know the passwords? Like, yeah, it's it's awful.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

That is terrifying. I didn't realise. Um I was reading uh somebody actually it's from Doing a Will, that's what it was. We recently um was doing a will, and she was talking about lasting power of attorney, and I'm like, we're just trying to sort that out for my mum now, but you know, that's what happens when you're old. And she um was telling a story about um Pate Darrowway, the TV presenter, and that was it sends chills down my spine, even thinking of that now. That her husband was nearly died, or maybe he has died, I don't know. Anyway, he's died. Yeah. So when he got COVID and was in hospital completely unresponsive, she couldn't access his bank accounts, she wasn't able to do anything. I think like his car got stolen, and she couldn't even claim on the insurance because it wasn't in her name, it was all in his name, and she didn't have power of attorney. So yeah, it's not actually about only when somebody dies. It's things like that, and that's shocking because I mean, unfortunately, accidents and things happen all the time, don't they?

SPEAKER_02 23:53

They really do, they really do. And like Kate Garraway, she you think, well, she earns her own money, you know, she's she's very successful, she's got her head screwed on. Um, but even someone like her, it's so there's no shame in the fact you don't know this, you've just got to start knowing it. No, and um, you know, but she had a big house, I think, I think North London, I think, and you know, children. So even though she had a big income, it wasn't enough to to survive on. She had to access all those things. So, and and I think actually, Karen, in in terms of how you have that delicate conversation with your spouse, if you if you do find it really hard to to discuss money, um, I think you just need to say, look, if you died, I wouldn't have a clue. Can you just can we just have some time? Can we make some time to go through everything? So I at least know what we've got. And and actually, if I'm talking to someone that's getting divorced or what is thinking about getting divorced, and they have no clue where to start, that's where I say, Well, get get a will, because then you can find out everything, and at least then you know what you're dealing with. Um, um, because it's much easier to find out all that stuff when you're amicable than when you've already broken up, when things can start being hidden and um and not not completely um honest truth.

unknown 25:08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Yeah, because that's what pe some people do do that, don't they? Um they want to they want to protect they don't what they what's there is and not kind of bringing it into the the relationship, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Yeah, it's quite a it's it's just it's a massive mindfield, really, isn't it? It's like such a huge topic of like how any of this even works, like where you've only literally been talking for 15 minutes and it's like shit. I've got about four different topics that I want to move on to move go through here now because it's also so like so so interesting in that way. But if we just pop back to um so we're in limiting beliefs, we're talking about it with the client, um limiting beliefs are identified. Um, what's the types of conversations you're having with your clients then that then moves into um that the tapping and release?

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Yeah, sure. So um obviously when I start working with a client, I have a really good chat with them beforehand, find out their their goals and what what they're trying to get out of it, why why have they picked up the phone to me basically? Um, but it nearly always starts with childhood. So it's usually the one of the first sessions I do is on that childhood programming. Um, how were they brought up around money? What's their earliest memory? What's their um what's their how are their parents behaving around money? Um, and and very quickly, quite often it's like, oh my parents got divorced. So, you know, that that adds another dimension to it completely. So before, you know, within very early on in the first session, we've got so much to work with already, and then it's exploring that. Another um process we do is especially around um charging. So do this with the entrepreneurs, definitely, um, is visualising yourself standing on a stage with a sign saying how much you earn, and um, and looking at everyone in the audience, and you've got everyone there, like your family, your friends, your colleagues, your your business coach, your fellow people that you might mastermind or network with, um, grandparents, even if they're not here anymore, and um, and people at school, old bosses, colleagues, and um, and you see, and they're like, Oh my god, my mum's like I had one lady, my mum's just got up and walked out, she's so disgusted with me. And um, and you know, that's a massive thing. If they don't want to say, Yeah, I earn this much money, or I mean, they're not, they don't actually have to do it. This is all through visualization. Um, but it's the subconscious judgment that drives our behaviour. And it's like if you've got that belief that your mum's going to be disgusted with you earning more money, it's gonna be very hard to put your prices up. It's it's a very simple link. So, um, so doing that kind of work is um is really invaluable, and there's there's loads of other so um processes that we do.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Um do sorry to interrupt you, do people are people always surprised when you start going through like what was it like, what was money like in your household, whatever? Do people kind of go like, oh fuck, no, I I see. Oh, and it's it's almost like it's it's a surprise.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Yeah, yeah, it's like it's a shock, but then it's like the penny drops, you can almost hear it, like, wow, that's why. And I'm like, is it any wonder you're doing this when that was your programming? And it's so freeing because you're just like, oh, it's not my fault. Because we blame ourselves so often, especially around money. It's like it's not my fault. That's not not taking responsibility and moving forward, it's just like actually where I am right now is not my fault. That's not in a blame way, it's just like your parents can be really can have done their absolute best that there's always going to be something, and actually, it was a man that I was working with, but um, I was just like not sure how this is gonna go. I think he's it seems pretty all right to me, and um and he had a some subconscious limit lipid limiting belief. So I can't get my words out today. Um, he wasn't married, he didn't have kids, but his whole thing was I don't want to throw myself too much into my career. He was a coach, he was a really good coach. Um, I don't want to throw myself too much and go all in, like sacrifice my life, like a lot of coaches seem to want to do. Um, because and he was like, Why? Why aren't I doing this? Why can I not work a bit harder? Why am I so obsessed with finishing early on a Friday and you know keeping strict hours? Which on the surface, you go, Well, that's great, that's really healthy work-life balance, and you're earning good money, you know, what's the dream? Yeah, it's is yeah, it's most of our dreams. But he did want to earn more money, but he couldn't quite just get there. And um, and we figured out that actually it was because his parents had a really successful business, and his parents went to every single match that he played in at school, he went to private school, and um, and they always do lots of sport at private school. So his both parents were always there at every single match, and he's got this subconscious belief if I work too hard, then I'm not gonna be able to do that for my kids. He didn't even have kids, he wasn't even married. But it was, and that was the thing, that was the key that turned the locks, that just opened things up. And he didn't start flogging himself or working really, really hard. He put his prices up, he um, you know, he was a bit more flexible, but not too not, he wasn't anal about it, and um, and he just his his earnings went literally through the roof. I mean, it was the easiest client I've ever had. It was so easy and really interesting. Um I should have charged with that. Yeah, but maybe that was a part of it, but um, you know, how wonderful, and you would never think that there was a problem there, but there was, yeah. So yeah, really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Yeah, and that's it, isn't it? It's even when and some that's why I think sometimes it goes back to it's like big T, little T, trauma is trauma, and somehow that's something that was holding him back. So even though it sounds like idyllic, it was, you know, weren't in that way that his parents were always showing up for him. Actually, somehow it had he'd created a different story out of that later in life that put so much pressure, it was stopping him from taking action.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, crazy how the mind works, and it and it he was so far from that, but it was still there a hundred percent. And it was like this future image of what life might be like if I go down this route, which it's never been. He's still got amazing work life balance and he has tons of money. Good on him. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Um, so on that note, what are the things then that we start to do when um the the God sorry, brain fog. Um when the limiting beliefs come up. Thank you. Yes. What's the next steps from there? What happens?

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Well, I I think for a lot of people, uh it is so subconscious, they might know that there's a problem, but they don't necessarily know what it is or where it stems from or whatever. Um, and we can do a very simple process around just identifying your relationship with money and really because most people just don't think about it because they don't want to, so they just carry on. But actually, even just the process that I think we should do um is is can be you know mind-blowing. Um, but then I think it can be really subtle as well. So a lot of people that procrastinate, self-sabotage, um, you know, might not, I don't know, they miss the closing date for a round of funding or for um for an awards, an award that they'd really like to go for. Um, they talk themselves out of stuff, and and very often it's like, oh, I just ran out of time or I was busy doing this. But very often it is a subconscious fear that's playing out that's creating these distractions, creating this procrastination, um, because of a fear of success. And a fear of success is obviously massively related to money. Um, and I I was talking to someone um once about what I was doing, and I talked about fear of success, and they were just like, what fear of success? Like, it like that doesn't exist, and they had never ever thought that, and and they didn't have it, they did not have a fear, they had a massive fear of failure, and that had driven them on really, really well, um, probably a bit too much at times. Um, but the fear of success, they just could not get their head around it. And I'm like, no, that is what it's like for people. Some people, they like you were saying, I don't want to shine too much because then I'm gonna get the people saying, Who do you think you are? And and then also, this is a massive one that comes up as well. What happens, and they don't, again, they don't think this logically or consciously always, um, but when I get there, oh my god, then I've got to stay there. Like when I get that 10k month, which is for coaches, a lot of the you know, oh 10k months, um, what have I got to do to what's it gonna take me to get there? And I had this myself, my first 10k month. My the only thing my husband said was, well, you've got to stay at that now, haven't you? Or you've got it, you've got to keep it at that now. Not well done, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you. None of that. Well, you've got to carry it on now.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

Yeah, and it kind of sets the precedent, then does it? It's like, shit, this can't be the it can only go higher, it can't, you know, fluctuate and flow like as yeah as life does. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

But then you also get the sort of the sort of slightly devilish side. Um, the um the ones that want to I always forget this word, um uh reb rebel, sorry, rebel against um someone's expectations. And um and you can kind of do the F you, I won't, I won't do it then. If you're gonna put that much pressure on me, you can you can just jog on and um and go back to being the breadwinner, because actually I don't need that kind of pressure. And I did do that a bit. I was just like, what's the point? What is the point if you're not even proud of me? Because throughout my life I've always wanted people to be proud of me, my parents mainly, and then my husband, and I just felt, well, you're not proud of me, so what's the point of this? It wasn't about the money, it was about an achievement, you know, a measure of success. And I didn't even get that. So I had a lot of work to work through on that side as well, and hence the reason we're not married anymore. Not the only reason, but one of the very many ones, in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Yeah, but I guess in that way as well, like as you were talking then, um, it's like that fear of success, fear of failure, and they're just the same thing, but at the opposite ends of the scale, isn't it? And in the end, it's about coming back to balance, and I think absolutely it's like all of lots and lots of different values that we might have, you know, independence in balance is great, but out of balance, then you're super, super isolated, and then under balanced, then you are maybe feeling like you're um you're in prison and you're really yeah, it's just like that there's uh the that middle point just helps everything become a bit more cohesive, doesn't it? Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Yeah, it is all about balance and and awareness. You can't change any of this unless you at first you become aware of it.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

So and I think that's what I also find um a lot with the ladies that I work with in coaching is that awareness. Like people people think they know things like, oh, I know my triggers, I know this, I know that. And when you start asking some questions, then all of a sudden it's like, oh shit, I didn't realise that that was a thing.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

And you know, I say it's like having a filing cabinet of the filing cabinet of crap that you've just put in your brain and you keep storing and storing and storing, and then you bring them out and it kind of like, where has that come from? How am I even still thinking about that? It's so you know, old.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Absolutely, and all these things we've been carrying around in our subconscious that we're suddenly conscious of, and it it's like, yeah, we need to take them, like remove them somatically through our body because they're literally held in our brains and in our bodies, yeah. Um, hence, you know, and it creates that disconnect as well, though, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 37:23

Yes, oh god, I love that book. Um, and I guess that that's it creates a disconnect, doesn't it? Like when your mind gets so powerful in that way that I mean it's just trying to be safe and secure, but actually in the end it just keeps you small. Yeah. But actually you you don't feel anything then, you're so disconnected from you and who you are. Sorry, I don't even know if you can hear this, but this bleming dog is going crazy and blessed. She's gone. You're just in a hat in the garden. Um but yeah, and then that's the thing, isn't it? Your body keeps score, it keeps you small, it keeps you stuck in a in a in a place that that's not where you you actually you want to be. You want to be able to let go, or you kind of you you know that something's not right, but when you don't know what it is, it's just so frustrating.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. It's um thank heavens for people like us that can figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 38:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so what would be what's the next step then after when you identify and like right, okay, we know what the um the trauma is, we know what the limiting belief is, what what happens next?

SPEAKER_02 38:33

Well, we do so each of those processes I do separately, and we do the visualization, then we do the tapping around it, and then I'll get them to visualize it again, and the picture has always changed, and and that might be enough, or we might need to do some more tapping on how the picture's changed, and then it changes again. Um, and it's it's always very healing. Um, and it's very, very healing with the um like with motherhood wounds. So, you know, if you've for example, if you've always wanted your parents to be proud of you, um, you know, that standing on a stage thing at the end of it, oh yeah, mum and dad are clapping now. Mum's come and this woman I worked with, mum's come back in the room and she's like nodding and smiling, and um, you know, she's not standing up and clapping, she never do that, but um, but she, you know, it's it's very healing. So um, yeah, and then measuring it as we go through. So I usually work with clients over um six or twelve sessions, um, measuring it as we go through, checking back in on their objectives and their aims, are they putting their prices up? Are their sales conversations feeling easier? Um, obviously in the divorce space, that's not relevant. You know, are they able to have a more powerful conversation with like in mediation, or if they're working with one of our um one of the people we work with quite a lot of is amicable, where there's like one person and a couple? Um, or are they able to to challenge what they're not necessarily challenge, but question or query, I guess query is the right word, what their solicitor is saying, because we're very good at with especially with solicitors going, oh okay then, but actually, and part of us is like that doesn't feel right, there's something not right there. And solicitors are great, this isn't knocking them at all, but sometimes there might be another way to do things. Um, and we know we're very good at knowing what the likely response would be rather than just like I've got to win this case. So it's you know, it's it's that kind of it's all about human behaviour, really. So um yeah, does that answer that question?

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Yeah, and I guess like it's the nuances around that, isn't it? It's not as black and white as win, lose, that kind of thing. It's like there's lots of other things that come into it. And what is the what's the kind of science around tapping that um that says it works? Like why why does it why does it work greatly?

SPEAKER_02 40:51

So when I discovered it, I was like, oh my god, this is crazy. I've I like walked into some cult, all these people tapping, and like I was just thinking, it's just crazy. Um, but it works and um it works on the subconscious, it releases trauma from our body, and um and the theory is if you think about how well proven acupuncture is, it's kind of the same. Um we're tapping on our acupuncture, accura sorry, acupressure points. Um, I'm I'm just demonstrating the points that you use now. Some people go under the arm, um, we usually use the top of the head. There are points on the hand as well. Um, and they're these acupessure points that literally, if you think about your energy system as a bit like your veins and and your heart's pumping the blood around them. If you're healthy and everything's okay, then the heart's gonna work well, the blood's gonna run through the veins, the brains are the brain, the the blood isn't sorry, the veins aren't gonna get furry because you're healthy, the heart's gonna be pumping optimally optimally. Um obviously physical stress and trauma can affect you physically, but what it absolutely does is affect your energy system. So if you think, well, my energy system is just like my heart pumping everything round and everything should flow. But what happens is you get trauma throughout your life, little little T, big T, whatever it is, it creates chinks and breaks in that energy system. And um and you might feel suboptimal because you've got lots of little chinks, or you might go through a massive trauma, quite often massive trauma we can cope with, and then something small happens and we can't cope with it. And we're like, but I coped with that, why can't I cope with this thing? But it's just like your body is like, I can't take any more, I need some help. And what the tapping is doing is resetting that, it's fixing the um the chinks, it's ironing out the chinks, it's fixing the brakes, repairing them, putting it all back together again, basically, so your energy system can can flow that being in flow and alignment and and all those things. So, um, and when you use it with a lot of people I work with, they they're really into like law of attraction and positive affirmations. I think a lot of the self-development and self-help stuff out there is kind of that way inclined. Um, but what it doesn't account for is it actually for some people, especially highly sensitive people, um, that's just kind of putting a sticking plaster on it and pushing it away. And I always say if you liken it to do a lot of inner child connection work, like with those visualizations, um, and if you think about how you um would interact with a toddler, if you just pacify it and just go, oh, you know, have a bar of chocolate, take your mind off of it, yeah, that will work in the moment. But once the chocolate's gone, they're still going to want your attention. Basically, they want your love, they want your security and safety and love and validation and all those things. If you get down on their level um and talk to them and really validate them, validate the things, especially if they're hurt or upset, rather than just go, it's not that bad. You go, that must be really tough. And actually start how we're educated to talk to children, but if you Do any kind of parenting class, they always tell you that kind of stuff. But actually, if we just could parent ourselves a bit better and say, okay, well, part of me, this isn't me triggered. This isn't, I'm not terrible and broken, but a part of me is really triggered and upset right now. What is that part and why is it? And we can just be really validating and take the blame away, stop beating ourselves up, and then just get some clarity and then know what to tap on. And um, and and if you do the tapping, with the tapping, we always do the negatives first. And some people are like, shouldn't I be doing the positives? It's like, no, we start with the negatives to get it out, and it's like if you've got a wound, you don't just shove a plaster on it, you flush it out, you wash it out, and then it might need stitches and dressing, and then you can put a plaster on it. Um, but if you don't do the first bits, which are sometimes more painful, but actually are needed so that can heal properly. So um that's that's how I kind of explain that. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 44:57

Yeah, yeah, I guess it's like it's like well, the wheel analogy is great. It's like clearing out the negative energies. There's no point putting a plaster on top of a negative energy because all you do is push it down and it doesn't go away, does it? Well, yeah. So it's almost like um I see it somehow in line with the chakras, like your energy is a bit blocked, and so things are either getting stuck and not moving, but it's really sort of bringing yourself back into releasing and then bringing yourself back into uh back into alignment. Yeah, absolutely. And then does the tapping, it follows. I've never had acupuncture, well, I can't even say the word, I've never had acupuncture. So does it follow the lines of tapping?

SPEAKER_02 45:42

I mean, there's there's kind of like a recipe that most of us follow. I don't do under the arm because I just find it a bit, you know, you can't you have to have the camera in the right place. It's a if I'm treating clients in person, which I used to do, I hardly ever do anymore. I've got to lift keep lifting their arm up. So I don't I miss that point out. But um, but I know the guy that um taught me, I was taught by a um husband and wife team, um, he just taps in random places. Like he doesn't follow a he just goes intuitively where he feels he needs to, um, which is quite quite interesting. It's just a bit different. Keeps you on your toes when you're working with him because you're like, where are we going next? Um yeah, but it's good. But um, should we should we give it a go? Do you want to experience?

SPEAKER_00 46:23

I'd love to. I thought you'd never ask. Give it a go.

SPEAKER_02 46:27

Okay, cool. So um I'm gonna keep it quite what I never want to do, and this is why I don't have loads of free videos on YouTube and stuff. I never want to trigger someone and open something big up. So I when I'm doing it in a group or I know people are gonna watch it and I'm not there, I keep it quite light. I always say if this does trigger anything, then always please um get in touch with me and we can have a session or it might just be a quick chat to make it okay. Um, but I know you've done quite a lot of work, so this won't be this might not be massive for you. Um it'd be great if it was, but um, it's I'm gonna just talk about money generally, um, and then we don't need to get into personal stuff either. Um, so if um if everyone that is doing this, listening, hopefully they can um they can do this if they're walking their dog at the time, it might be a bit difficult. But come back to this part of the of the podcast. And um, and if you just want to close your eyes and put your hand on your heart and make sure your legs or your ankles or knees aren't crossed, ideally, if your feet are flat on the ground, that's brilliant. Some people like to kick off their shoes and just take some nice deep breaths and just feel the mind slowing down. There's always loads of busyness and things flying around in our brains. We might have been rushing around, so just able to let some oxygen in your lungs. Obviously, I can't do it as much as I'd like because I'm talking, but just really take those nice deep breaths, and I always put my hand on my heart so I can just feel that connection into the heart space. And um and I'll do the visualization, but just before we do that, when we start tapping, you literally just I'll say the points as I'm as I'm doing them, but um, so anyone that's listening that can't see us, you can still um understand where the points are. But um yeah, just literally copy what I say, be my echo, and then and tap on the points. And you can tap with two or three fingers, you can use your left hand, right hand, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. It's very hard to do it wrong, you're not going to do it wrong, and you'll never make things worse rather than better. So, um, Karen and the listeners, what I want you to do is just imagine that um you're in a room and there is a pile of money in the room, and it might be in a corner. For most people, it's in a corner. Um, you might be really conscious about where the door is or where you're standing, and whatever your mind is painting a picture of is brilliant. Um now most people can visualize. If anyone's listening that can't, I know occasionally there are people that can't do, can't have pictures in their heads, then um just think of a photograph of money and imagine like that you're you can open your eyes even or and you can actually put a pile of money um in front of you or bring it up on your screen or something and look at it. And as you're looking at that pile of money, just notice how your body's feeling. So, does it feel at all different? Do you feel at all nervous? You might feel really excited. Um, for some people, it's like, oh, I don't even want to look at it, I just want to run out of the room. Um, it doesn't feel safe to be here. I feel I feel really, really nervous being here, feel a bit sick. Um like money. And if money could talk to you, what would it say? What would it want to say to you? And for some people it might be, you know, it's okay, I'm fine, I'm just money. And you know, if that's the case, you're already healing just by doing this visualization. Um, but for others, it is like oh, it just it's got like this cartoon voice, and it looks evil, and it's just telling me that I'm not allowed to have it or I'm not good enough for it. Um, I don't deserve all this money, I only deserve a bit of it. Those are the classic things that come up when I do this. So um, and Karen, do you mind me asking what's what's coming up for you?

SPEAKER_00 50:29

Yeah, no, that's fine. Um, yeah, it's funny. I could see in a room, it was actually in the middle of the room on a table, but there was like the rest of the room was quite dark, and there was just a big spotlight, um spotlight over the money, so it was like illuminated. Um and I felt um when you were saying then what does how do you feel? I actually I felt really excited. I was just like, oh, like this is exciting, like the things that this can do, and da da da. Um but then when you said uh what is it, what is it telling you or what is it doing, it almost sort of like changed into a little thing, it's like, I'm here, come get me.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

You know, okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

Yeah. Um that's brilliant, that's really good. Yeah. And so and so for you, and I will bring this in towards the end of the tapping, like we could go straight to the more positives um if we were working one-to-one. Um, and that would probably get you in the space of like, oh my god, I've been procrastinating on that project, didn't realise why, just thought I was really busy, and you would literally go and do it, and you would, you know, it'd be out there and done in a couple of hours, say, and you've been maybe sitting on it for weeks. So that's that's really good. So you and that shows you've already done a lot of you, you know, that's why you're interviewing me because you're really interested in this and you've done work on it already. Um, so it's it's brilliant. That's that's fantastic. Um, but for other people listening, they might have more of a negative impact, like I was saying. Um, so we'll we'll do a little bit on the on the negatives, and then we'll basically just gently turn it into the positives and then get that and get you really let's go kind of thing. Yeah. Does that sound okay?

SPEAKER_00 52:18

That sounds fine because the thing that's coming up for me now, as I see that, it's almost like you know, people um talk about leaving money on the table. And actually, the thing that comes up for me then is while I'm really excited buying things, it it it's kind of making me think, I'm leaving, I'm not um, yeah, I'm leaving money on the table.

SPEAKER_01 52:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

That's what's coming up for me now when I think about it, and I hadn't yeah, I hadn't thought about it in that way, actually.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

That's interesting. Yeah, and that's um, yeah, that is really interesting. And um, and you've just made me think as well, I'm kind of like that with my book. I just need to get it finished and out there, you know, it's just that last bit. So um maybe I'll go and finish it this weekend. Who knows?

unknown 53:06

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Thank you. Double bonus. Um, okay, cool. So we're gonna start um tapping on the side of the hand. So this is what we call the setup, and um and just repeat, and you can tap left or right hand, doesn't matter. So it's two or three fingers tapping on what we call the karate chock point, which is literally the side of a of your hand that would you would do a karate chock point with. Um karate chop with, even. Um so and we start by saying, even though, so you just repeat after me. Even though there's all this money there. There's all this money there. And even though part of me is excited. And even though part of me is excited, part of me might be a little bit scared.

SPEAKER_00 53:55

Part of me might be a little bit scared.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

And I'm realising that I'm leaving money on the table.

SPEAKER_00 54:01

And I'm realising that I'm leaving money on the table.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

And obviously for people listening at home, you can tweak these words so they're more specific to you. Um and um but so other people at home can can do that now. Um and even though I'd like not to leave money on the table. I'd like I'd like not to leave money on the table. I totally honour and accept myself anyway.

SPEAKER_00 54:33

I totally honour and accept myself and I. Anyway. Anyway, yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_02 54:40

Perfect. Okay, so tapping on the point, so we start on the eyebrow point, literally where your eyebrow begins. Um, all this money. All this money outside of the eye. All this money staring at me or in front of the eye. All this money staring at me under the eye. A part of me feels really excited. A part of me feels really excited. Under the nose. But maybe a part of me is really scared.

SPEAKER_00 55:11

But maybe a part of me is really scared.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

On the um on the chin. Maybe a part of me is a bit resistant to having this money.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Maybe a part of me is a bit resistant to having this money on the collarbone. Maybe I'm feeling really resistant right now. Maybe I'm feeling really resistant right now.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

And also, Karen, don't worry. If you're not feeling that, you're gonna not gonna make yourself feel like that by doing this. So don't worry about that. Um, on the top of the head, all this money right in front of me.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

All this money right in front of me.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

On the eyebrow. It's right there, but sometimes it feels so far away.

SPEAKER_00 55:59

It's right there, but sometimes it feels so far away.

SPEAKER_02 56:03

Outside of the eye. Sometimes it feels like I have to work really hard for money.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

Sometimes it feels like I have to work really hard for money.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Under the eye. And I think people are gonna judge me for earning money.

SPEAKER_00 56:21

And I think people are gonna judge me for earning money.

SPEAKER_02 56:25

Under the nose. Especially if I earn more than them.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Especially if I earn more than them.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

On the chin. Especially if I earn more than all of my family members.

SPEAKER_00 56:39

Especially if I earn more than my family members.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

On the collarbone. I don't want to upset anyone or feel like I'm being disloyal.

SPEAKER_00 56:49

I don't want to upset anyone or feel like I'm being disloyal.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

Top of the head. And I totally honour all of these feelings.

SPEAKER_00 56:59

And I totally honour all of these feelings.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

On the eyebrow. I honour this fear and anxiety around money. I honour this fear and anxiety around money. Outside of the eye. I honour all my programming around money. I honour all of my programming around money. Under the eye. I honour the times I found money really difficult. I honour the times I found money really difficult. Under the nose. And I honour the times I've had a great relationship with money.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

And I honour the times I've had a great great relationship with money.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

On the chin. It's safe to have a great relationship with money.

SPEAKER_00 57:46

It's safe to have a great relationship with money.

SPEAKER_02 57:49

On the collarbone. Money can be my friend.

SPEAKER_00 57:54

Money can be my friend.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

Top of the head. Money can make me uh money can help me to do some really good things.

SPEAKER_00 58:04

Money can help me to do some really good things.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

On the eyebrow. To make more of an impact on other people's lives.

SPEAKER_00 58:12

To make more of an impact on other people's lives.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

Outside of the eye. And I deserve to earn money for doing that. And I deserve to earn money for doing that. Under the eye. It's safe to earn money.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

It's safe to earn money.

SPEAKER_02 58:29

Under the nose. I'm open to feeling completely at ease around money.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

Open to feeling completely at ease around money.

SPEAKER_02 58:41

On the chin. I'm safe and I'm okay.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

I'm safe and I'm okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

On the collarbone. I'm open to appreciating what money can do for me and others.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

I'm open to appreciating what money can do for me and others.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

It's safe to have a great relationship with money.

SPEAKER_00 59:07

It's safe to have a great relationship with money. Okay. Put your hand on your heart, take a nice deep breath.

SPEAKER_02 59:16

Some people may want to have a stretch or move their shoulders around, really notice if there is any tension or anything. You might want to do some more tapping and say this this tension in my shoulders, if it's still there. You might want to repeat what we've just done again, if there's still some some sort of anxiety and strange feelings around money. But um, can I ask you, Karen, to just put your hand on your heart and close your eyes again and just go back to that picture and tell me how it's changed.

SPEAKER_00 59:50

Actually, and when I think back to it, the initial um excitement was also not necessarily around oh, what can I do with money? What can um what can I buy with that? It was around like what can I do with this? And I think that's more prevalent now. It's not just about um me, but it's funny because when we first started, I could feel like I felt a bit sort of sicky in my in my stomach. And now, excuse me, but I'm burping because it feels like there's that sort of yeah, yeah, like a release somehow. I don't feel that. Um I don't feel that now. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:36

Yeah, that's really strange. Oh, I'm so glad you shared that because I should have said, um, like burping is really common, or just like needing to clear your throat, especially if it's around not speaking your truth. Um, like your stomach might start rumbling. People often yawn a lot, and obviously yawning is a bit impolite, so it's like oh god, yawn away, you do not have to stifle a yawn with me. It's like if I if I've got clients yawning in front of me, I know they're releasing, and it's like really, really cool. And they're like, Wow, I don't have to stifle a yawn, that's brilliant. Um, I I spent a lifetime stifling yawns at my work. I used to fall asleep in meetings, they were so dull. Not my work now, when I was in corporate. Um, so yeah, it's um, you know, that little exercise, you know, it's it's a decent difference, isn't it? So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

And also the light had turned up the the spotlight, it it felt like a spotlight on the knee. And now when I looked at it then, the the room was warm. It wasn't stark, bright light, but the room, the whole room was warm as in warmers light.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:41

Yeah, yeah. I thought you were gonna say that. That's because that is yeah, quite typical. Yeah. Yeah. And then what what we can say is like take a picture of that and imagine you're filing it into your brain, like your little brain opening a filing cabinet. Into the filing cabinet, and um, or saving it as a computer file if you're younger than us and don't remember actual filing cabinets. Um, and um, and by doing that, you're literally making new neuropathways in your brain to say that money is safe, basically. It's safe for me to do that and like remembering that rather than the bad stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:16

So, yeah, that's how it all works. Yeah, that's funny. It's making me think actually about um the package that I'm working on, and I have been procrastinating a bit. I mean, there's been a lot of life lifing, but um I have been procrastinating on that, and I think um yeah, I just need to get it finished. Yeah, yeah, get it out of there. Oh, that's amazing, Liz. Thank you. So, should I would I do that again? Um, or like as in do this five times over the next week or whatever, or it's just as you feel it, or something like that. What's the follow-up you do?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

If you've if you've been, I mean, if we were working together, we'd obviously have more sessions. So, um, and you can have a massive breakthrough, but then that leaves the space for the next thing to come up. Um, you know, but but equally, just what we've done, you could listen to it again, just listen to the pod your own podcast again. Um, or it's good for ratings. Yeah, absolutely. And um and then maybe just think, okay, um, and and I wouldn't always advise other people to do this, but I know um, because I know you anyway, I know you'd be safe doing this, but you could have a think about okay, how do I feel about money? How do I feel about what what fe what feelings am I aware of in my body when I think about raising my prices or pricing my new program? Like if I um like a lot of coaches would just go, well, triple your prices, and and I used to say that too, but actually it's I think it's a bit different, you know. We can't always, I won't get into it a lot, but I think the market's changed slightly, so that's not always appropriate. But it's like, okay, if that's what I'd love to be earning, then um, you know, how do I feel? Do I actually feel aligned to that or is there fear there? And then you can tap it when I look at that figure or when I think about charging that to clients, I feel nervous, I feel a flutter in my stomach, butterflies, or my chest feels tight, whatever it might be. And then once you get rid of those feelings, you can feel aligned with that price, you can go and charge it. Um, and and experiment, okay. Well, it feels that feels too much of a stretch, but that feels okay. And actually, I know that's too low, and I was gonna charge it at that. So maybe I don't straight up there yet. Maybe I go in the middle or push it a bit the middle a bit further up, but I know once I've got three clients on that price, I can then go up again and just keep on doing the work around it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:39

Oh gosh, that's so interesting. Like I yeah, I think I need to go back and have a little think about that. Um, and now what that uh you know, what that looks like. Yeah, that's incredible. And do you find then from the beginning session to if you were say like you were doing 12, then there's really quite a big, I mean, you gave the example anyways at the beginning of the guy that you were working with who completely changed his his model of what he was doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

Yeah, absolutely. It was massive for him. We only did three sessions, um, and the other sessions were, you know, they were significant, but that was the key, that was the real like point. Um, so um what was the question? Sorry, I've forgotten what you asked.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:20

What just that then? Like, do you see such a big thing? Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:25

Yes, yes, yeah, I do. And and this is why I love doing what I do. So I used to do business coaching. Um, and when I started doing the business coach, only because I was networking, and people get asking me because I've kind of my HR background-ish, and I was actually building quite a successful online business. So the people that I was networking with in person hadn't like this was a long time ago now, 15 years ago, when people weren't really doing stuff online. And um, and so I was doing business coaching. Then what I ended up finding was my business coaching clients that were just doing business. Coaching compared to the ones that I was doing this money mindset with, the differences in their successes was huge, and they were getting exactly the same business advice. But the ones that were doing the tapping and the money mindset work were just like 10xing their results. So, um, so and and that one of the reasons I love money mindset, you can measure it. You can like, well, you don't just feel better about money, but you have increased your prices, or you now find it much easier to sell and you're getting more clients. And it or it might just be, you know, I don't just work with entrepreneurs. It might be, you know, you're not feeling bitter and twisted about your divorce because actually you did really badly out of it. You've let that go now and you can focus on moving forwards. It might be, you know, you've sorted out all your like bad relationship with money, so now you can put in place a will, insurances, you're gonna get that power of attorney that you've been putting off for two years or that you didn't even have space to think about. So I'm not a financial advisor at all, but I know the basics of what everyone should have in place. And I can say, right, that that's your next step to go and get go and get that done. Go and do a budget because now actually it's not gonna make you feel sick. You can actually look at the numbers without feeling awful and like you're failing and you know, being really crap. You can actually look at your budget or what you're spending, where you're spending your money, um, which is a great exercise. And I'm not like, oh, stop spending five pounds a day on coffees if that's really makes you happy, carry on spending it. But um, actually, you know, that bottle of wine you're buying three times a week from Tesco's, do you need it? Um because actually that's costing you this much money over a year, and you're telling me you want to save money, and also that's going to make you so much more healthy. And yeah, I'm not teetotal, I do buy wine from Tesco's and other stores. Um, but um other stores available. Yes, exactly. But you know, it's just like by doing that exercise myself, I realised we were spending about 1200 quid a year on after school snacks for the kids and literally the odd bottle of wine from Tesco's. And I'm like, quite a lot of money. Um, this was quite a few years ago as well. And I'm like, and also spending that that's a hell if I imagine how much chocolate that must be that I'm giving my children. Like, what am I doing? Um, so poor kids, they did start having like crudettees when I picked them up in little boxes and stuff, but um weren't very long to be fair. But um, but you know, it's stuff like that, and it's not always, you know, it's not always massively measurable, like with the entrepreneurs. Oh, I've tripled my prices and I'm getting loads more clients. It could be those little changes that actually over time make a big difference, or like, oh, I can talk to my husband now about money, and I totally get where he's coming from now because we've been able to have this conversation, and now I know where our money is, I know when we're gonna pay off our mortgage, I know what our financial freedom number is, which I won't go into, but it's a calculation that you you understand how much you need for retirement, and I know that he has got a pension that's worth this, and I've realized that actually we're gonna set one up for me as well. Um, with with um a few clients, I had so I always tell them go basically go through if you've got an old CV, go through your old CV and contact all your old employers and ask them if you've got a pension with them. You can do it online as well, there's a pension tracking service. But I had a client um find out that she had a pension that was worth 15 grand. I had one that found out she had a pension that was worth 40,000 pounds and she didn't know about it. And they never come knocking on your door saying, Oh, excuse me, because you've usually moved, they got no way of accepting it. They don't come knocking on your door and saying, Oh, we've got your money, would you like it, please? Um, you know, we have to be proactive, and that's life-changing for that person.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:39

100%. I mean, finding 40 grand underneath the sofa kind of thing. Like that's uh that's quite nice, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I guess also in that way, um, all of these things, what it does really is it gives you control back, and when you feel like you are in control, it makes you feel powerful because you understand and you know, and from that position, the conversations that you can have because you are clear, you're in clarity, you know what things are, you can advocate for yourself much better. Um, you know, whether you're in in bliss or in um yeah, in turmoil, divorce and health. Either way, within that, you you can advocate for yourself more because you just you know exactly where you stand. Because I think sometimes it's like all of that unknowing, all of that uncertainty, that's a really tricky um that's the situation where you feel disempowered. Yeah, yeah, there's no respect, you don't feel seen, even if you are in bliss. There's there's parts around that, right? So yeah, gosh, honestly, Liz. I feel like I could I think we need part two. I feel like we could uh go on for days and days and days. Yeah, it's just so interesting, and I think it's like you said at the top, it's just things that we don't talk about. We don't talk about finances, and it's so much to even in bliss, it's so much to our detriment that we don't know where we're where we're heading to, and yeah, you know what life down the line really sort of like looks like for us right now, completely.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:19

And you know, a lot of what I do with the tapping, the visualization, you can say it's quite woo-woo, but then there's such a practical element to it as well. And in order to make that practical element easy and doable um and get it done is by doing the softer stuff and exploring your feelings and all that kind of stuff. So we've got the healing element, but then I always say inform, empower, and go into action, get get the shit done because it's such a great feeling when you know you're sorted. I mean, I even though my income was um obviously my financial situation is vastly different from when I was married, um, it's it's actually I feel because I feel informed and in control and empowered, I feel so much more comfortable because I haven't got all these question marks buzzing around, floating around like they're always there and never quite answered. I'm like, I don't understand how we're ever gonna pay the mortgage off. Please make please make that make sense. And we wouldn't have done because he was just completely bullshitting. But um, I know exactly when I'm well, not exactly, I'll have to check my spreadsheet, but I know more or less when I'm gonna pay my mortgage off. And I know about um ICERs using up my ICER allowance now. I've got a private pension, I'm saving money for my kids. Um, and he's the flipping millionaire that's earning £230,000 a year, and he's got none of that in place. So you know that's the thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:46

Everything's relative, you know. You could it's how you how you organise and how you strategize, isn't it? You can have loads of money, uh like you can earn loads of money, but if you're earning that and you're spending that and you're not actually putting anything else aside, yeah, then you're not gonna be earning that forever, are you? Like at one point you are gonna want to retire, and then it's like, oh shit, what do I do now?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And although, you know, yes, my financial situation could be better than it is, I'm I'm I'm in control of it and I know what I've got to do to to continue to improve it. And I know also that because of this, I can now teach my kids really good financial, financial sense. I'm a bit of a bore. Like, right, let's set down and set up a pension for you both. They're just like, What? What? School mom. I know, but I'm like, no, I'm doing it now for them. I'm literally that's on our list. Um, we'll do it before Christmas, hopefully. Um, like I'm gonna set them up a pension I want them to realise because I think, especially like if you've got kids, I think there's a real pressure to be like, oh, I've got to save for their university fees and everything. Yes, ideally that would be great, but how are they ever gonna buy a house? Like, yeah, you know, all those kinds of things. I think any child now that is not educated about investing, um like actually in like stocks and shares and stuff, and and growing their money, even if it's just a tiny percentage. So I always say, guys, if you save 10% of everything you ever earn, you'll be a millionaire by the time you're my age. You can't not be. Like it's the the sums are the proof, it actually works. And I didn't do that. No one told me to, so I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:25

Yeah. I guess that's the thing actually, when you think about it now as well, for kids going into you know, I had pocket money, I had physical money in my hands. So if I spend my £10 or whatever it was, then I had nothing left, but I could physically see, have nothing left. Whereas now it's almost like how do kids even know about money? Because everything's on your phone, it's on a card, it's on a something. So like you don't physically see it. Yeah, it's like where does where does it even come from? Does it grow on trees? Because like, you know, that's what I thought when I was a kid. It's like we're gonna go into this pound, it's gonna grow into a pound tree, we're just gonna like we're gonna grow, we're gonna be millionaires. Um but and I guess in this like now, yeah, like does it come from the ether? Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:15

It's really funny actually. So um I had I looked after my friend's dog in the in the summer holidays, and I and she gave me some cash. So I had all this cash, but it didn't feel like real money because I'm so used to it was almost the opposite of what you say. I'm so used to using my card, it was like it it didn't have a value, and I was just oh yeah, I'll buy it. Let me pay, let's let's go out for dinner. I've got all this cash, and like and it was really it was so interesting because I thought this is gonna be really good for the kids to see cash, and they do see cash, but not loads. Um, but it was almost the opposite, and I'm like, wow, we're already so indoctrinated in plastic and our phones to pay for things. Cash was it. I was just so surprised, it was it was a real shockingly weird thing because it didn't feel real, and I'm like, that's me at 47 who's been brought up around cash. So you know, but it's really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:06

Um yeah, that is it's strange that it's almost like it's the refaire. Yeah, it's like this isn't real, it's like monopoly money. Yeah, just like yeah, it was that's what it was, and then it's gone. And you're like, shit, I've actually got to feed this dog. So interesting. Yes, it's super interesting, but oh my gosh, thank you so so much. There's um I have learned so much um from this conversation, and I hope that listeners do too. So um I will take all of your details and then if um anybody wants to contact you about EST tapping, your um family flow, which is I guess it's focusing more on divorce, isn't it? And helping women through um through that time. Um I'll get your details and add them in the um in the show notes. Thanks so much, Liz. Yes, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:02

We both know exactly what it's like. Yeah, I mean, just just to let people know, if they want to look me up or anything, website's probably the best. The eftcoach.com is anything that's not divorce related, and then familyflow.co.uk is for all the divorce related stuff. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:19

Oh, brilliant. Thanks so much, Liz. It's been an absolute pleasure. Well, I hope that you all enjoyed that as much as I loved chatting to Liz. It was so interesting when I was editing the episode and listening back to us talking about money. At first I got really this iffy feeling and it just felt really quick. Like, is this what we want to be talking about? Money. And it's so yeah, it just made me think, wow, it really is such a big topic that we generally seem to avoid. Finances, we all have them, we all work with them, but we really don't often talk about them, whether that's uh to our friends, to our family, to our partners at work, and more often than not, within we tend to downplay our successes. And it was really interesting hearing Liz talk about how she had kind of given herself asked about what she could add based on what her dad today. And it just made me think that there are so many stories that we do compiling into what I like to call the filing code. We just operate. We just collect stories subconsciously also, like we just do it all the time. We don't we don't realize it, we don't know that we're storing these things, and our brain is making decisions for us based on old information. We don't go back, we're not looking at the delete of these files and really crappy stories that we've been telling ourselves either constantly or subconsciously for so long. We've just forgotten about it. So it's very interesting how it's really related. And a lot of that comes back to the focus of listening work, women taking time out to have and then care for children, going back into the whitelist, part-time hours maybe. It all adds up to the pay gap increasing, and we don't think about our long term when we're in love and everything's great. It's only in times of crisis that we start to think about that long term and what it looks like for us. It's really given a lot of good thought on this topic, and I've put little details in the show notes for anyone. Join me next week. I'll be trying to feel a fairy about blowing up her lights. Her, not me, and starting again in the lovely Lake District. So see you next week. Ciao!