When staying the same stops working

What if life doesn’t look like you expected… and it turns out even better ?

In this episode of Finding Foundations, I’m joined by Fiona for a conversation about reinvention, grief, intuition, anxiety, yoga, starting over, and building a life that actually feels like your own.

We talk about the moment where “coping” stops working. The pressure women feel to follow a certain path. The grief of realising life might not unfold the way you imagined. And what happens when you finally stop trying to fit inside the box society handed you.

Fiona shares her journey from ending her marriage, leaving a successful NHS career, selling her home, and completely rebuilding her life around yoga, wellbeing, and creating her yurt space in the Lake District. Talk about a blow up!

This is a conversation about trusting yourself, even when you don’t fully know where you’re going yet.

About learning to sit with discomfort instead of suppressing it.

About creating a life that feels full — with or without the things you once thought would complete you.

We also explore:
– gut instinct and reconnecting to the body
– anxiety, burnout, and midlife awakening
– letting go of attachment
– why slowing down changes everything
– building a life on your own terms
– the courage it takes to choose differently

A really honest, thoughtful conversation for anyone questioning whether the life they’ve built still fits who they are becoming.

follow Fiona or sign up for her retreats here......

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bloomwithberry/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/bloomwithberry

•      Website

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody! Welcome to Finding Foundation The Pop. This is a space for honest conversations about the moments that shape us, those turning points, that messy middle, and everything in between. In each episode, I sit down with somebody to explore what they've learned along their way. How they've held on to it when things felt really difficult and what's changed because of it. No perfect answers, just real stories. I'm Karen Tom and this is Finding Foundation. My guest this week is Fiona Berry of Bloom with Berry, a nature-led well-being space nestled above Sedba from Blossom Yurt and Birch Sauna. After 25 years working across the charity in NHS sectors, she experienced a midlife awakening. Absolutely not a crisis. She sold her house, her belongings, and set off travelling to reimagine life and work. While staying at How Gills Hideaway, her friend's glamping site in How Gill fells, Fiona had an epiphany and Blossom Year was born. Within a week, she'd found a yellow supplier and a flat in nearby Kendall, and today Blossom Year and Birch Sauna are becoming nature's own wild spa, bringing well-being back to the land. Fiona offers unique well-being experiences including yoga, Ayurvedic yoga massage, and Lithuanian-inspired sauna rituals, welcoming both lamping guests and the local community through private bookings and seasonal retreats. Fiona also runs very poetic, sharing inspirational seasonal and folklore-based poems that she creatively weaves into all of her events. Well being woven with word. I am very excited to chat with Fiona, so let's dive in. Hi Fiona, how are you? Hello, I'm good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

How are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Yeah, I'm really good, thank you. And so much for joining us um today on Finding Foundations. Excited to hear about uh hear about your journey. Yes, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here as well and to tell you more about it. Bio introduction and what does it feel like to hear hear your words back about who you are, where you've come from and where you are today? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Um I get quite emotional actually. I'm a very emotional person anyway. Um but I think just hearing it and having the opportunity to say it aloud and share with people how I got to where I am. I don't know. I think it just makes me feel proud of myself, I suppose. Like for putting myself out of my comfort zone to make those changes in my life and live a life a little bit different to what I expected.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Yeah, do it. We all and I love that. I think in the end, a lot of things it all comes back, doesn't it? In to like pushing yourself outside of that comfort zone. Just doesn't even need to be that full stretch, it's just to the edge, like yeah, yeah, just testing the water a little bit sometimes, I think.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

And even just making small changes can make a huge difference. Um, but yeah, I think in some areas of my life I went full throttle and uh yeah, made the made the big extreme changes. But I'm very glad that I did.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

And uh it sounds like we'll get into it, but um it sounds like you you were you were a you were a blowing, like complete C4 boom.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Yeah, definitely. I yeah, I definitely but I think that needed to happen for me to get to where I am now. I think without doing that, I would have just stayed stuck and really lost. Um and once I had that realization that that was what was gonna happen, if I didn't make some drastic changes, then I think it just became really I became really driven, I suppose, to make those changes. Um I think a lot of people have said to me that it was really brave what I did, but I think at the time I was desperate, and I think that's what drove it really. It was pure desperation for needing to do something different with my life because I I couldn't have stayed where I was. I really couldn't, and that's the thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Yeah, I hear that a lot in terms of what really is that motivating factor to to make a change because people sometimes you know, like we all want to make change, we all want to do things differently. But when that um desperation, when that desperate point is not there, you can kind of curse along and think, oh well, this is okay, it's all right, what have I got to complain about? It's okay, but when you really you hit that point, you just it's almost like there's a driving factor that goes like I've got I don't even care what happens at the end of this, I have to move now.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Yeah, yeah, and I think that definitely happened for me. I think for for many years, um I got I ended my marriage in 2016, so it's it's 10 years this month actually, and I think for a few years after that, I was coasting, I was kind of um you know focusing on growing my career. I did have a really successful career, and I I loved what I was doing, working mainly supporting uh children and family work somewhere along that line, and I know when it was, because I think up to the point where I realized something had to change, I was still believing that I would meet somebody else, that I'd have a family, that I'd live the life that society had already taught had always told me to expect from life. You know, we're fed this story, aren't we, from from being very little that that's kind of how life goes. You meet somebody, you get married, you have a house, you have the children, you have the family, you have the life, you have the uh the career. Um, so I think you know, I was still young enough at that point to believe that that would come my way. And I think it was when I hit 40, really, um, that had that realization that actually this might not happen for me. And what does that look like if it doesn't? Um, and I think at that point, that's when the grief hit. And I went through the real grieving period for that life that I thought I would have had. And after going through that and feeling sorry for myself for a little while, um, and doing the work and you know, having therapy and speaking to people and exploring those emotions and what they meant for me, then I came through the other side and was like, well, if that isn't what my life's gonna look like, what will it look like? Because that's the side of the story that we're never told. How can life look different if that if you don't get what society tells you you should have? Um, and I think I've been teaching yoga at that point for a few years alongside a full-time job and knew how much it brought me. And so I started thinking this is actually what I want to do more of. But then came the realization that how can I do that financially? Um, how can I make that happen? So it took me another good few years um to get to the point of this is really happening, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

In that way as well, it it things just once you without being too sort of universy, but like once you're on a path, if you trust and just keep moving and you keep putting in the work, whatever, that it just keeps unfolding and it will just keep taking you in the direction, but it really is it's that surrender and the trust that you are in the right path. I think I loved what you said. What does that look like? What does my life look like? If it's not that, what is it? And I think sometimes we don't ask ourselves these questions enough, do we? Like about what it is that we want, where it is that we're going, and we get a bit stuck in old versions of our society or whatever it is that keeps us hung up.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, it definitely did that came my way. I wanted to build a life that I would be happy with. So if those things still came to me at a later date, great. But if not, my life was all my life would already be full enough not to miss those things, if that makes sense. Um, and I I am a big advocate. I could harp on about this, and it's actually one of the first times outside of like speaking to my friends and family that that I'm speaking this aloud, really. So it feels quite empowering because it is something that I am quite passionate about, especially for women um who believe that if you haven't got these things, then you're less than in a way, or um you know you failed as a woman or something. Um, but you can control the narrative of your life and you can change it and do something different, and you don't have to fit inside that box. You can live outside of the box, and actually living outside of the box can be really bloody great. And I'm I'm I'm loving it. It's taken me a long time to get here, but and you know, I still have my moments, but I have built a life for myself that is mine, and I'm doing something that I'm really passionate about that I feel is what I was destined to do. You're going back to the you know, getting university and stuff. I do believe that this is the path that I was meant to be.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Um yeah, some way, but I guess also where you are. There's also every time that you come to that point, it's like we're constantly upskilling, and what got you to one place doesn't get you to the next, and you keep evolving and new tools and keep changing and keep evolving, and that's what brings you, I think, somehow in that way to that certainty of who am I? What do I want? Where am I going? And it's doing that work and really allowing yourself to keep changing and earning, like you said, you can do it direct, you are the director. People can tell you things, but it doesn't mean that you have to accept it.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's that knowing as well that you can keep changing that story as well. You don't have to do the same thing constantly. Uh, if you'd have asked me even this time last year, would I have been a qualified sauna master whacking people with birch and oak branches in the sauna, I would not have believed you because that's how quickly that that came into my life. And I think just being open to possibilities as well that might come your way. So not shutting yourself off to things and not being so um single-minded, I suppose, on what you want to achieve, but having some flexibility in that for it to grow and evolve, whatever may come into your path. Um, yeah, so I think being flexible with and and being willing to adapt and change as well. And I think one thing that um I've thought a lot about because I think what took me so long to actually sell my house was that attachment and being attached to something that stops you then from being able to move. So trying to learn, which is quite a hard lesson, that not nothing is permanent and that things change, and that endings can be sad, and letting go of things can be really sad, but it often opens up the door for other things to come your way, and sometimes you have to let go of those things to open other doors, and you might not know what's behind that door, but I can guarantee it's usually going to be an adventure, absolutely, and I I love that it's almost there is that cycle, isn't there?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Like nothing is permanent, you know. Even in like the world that we live in, we have spring, we have summer, we have autumn, we have winter. There is a cyclical element to to life in general that that keeps moving. And I don't know, I think when you think about it in that way, that nothing changes. I just think of dust and stuckness and just excuse me the shivers.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

But yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

If you um think about it in in that way, what would you say is the one truth that you've come to or a metaphor or anything that sums it up?

SPEAKER_00 14:03

I don't know about a word or a metaphor, but I think it would be something along the lines of that life doesn't always go to plan and that you don't have to live life inside a box that somebody else is kind of um yeah, I know I think I think, and again, you know, one truth that I've learned that I've just mentioned is that um attachment can really hold you back from things. So it's about letting go of that attachment and and trusting that in letting go you're inviting something else in toward you. And yes, it's about you know it's a cliche, but trusting the path and trusting the universe and waiting for your stars to align and all of that, which I do believe in, but also sometimes you have to make really big decisions to make those changes, and that takes effort on your part. You can't just wait for it to come to you. You do sometimes have to yeah, change things for yourself and put yourself in those hard situations sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Hopefully, by making those decisions, you come through the other side with something even greater.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Yeah, I mean, I definitely I am a firm believer that we don't take great leaps to go backwards in the moment, we always we always move forward.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Um I think at the time that I decided to put my house on the market, I was still very much at that in-between stage of not knowing what the chuff I was doing. Because I think, as I said before, it it wasn't necessarily bravery, it was desperation that that was leading to make some radical changes. And yes, there was an element of trust involved in that, but at the same time, I didn't know what that was going to look like, and so it was really scary, really like that. There was also and uh uh what's the word, kind of anticipation, yeah, of what might come and and the possibilities. So as I said before, I think um, you know, the the biggest thing for me to grow my yoga business and do more in the well-being world with the financial constraints that I had. Um so by putting the house on the market, that would free up some finances for me to do that. But at that stage, I decided that I was going to live on a narrow boat to do that. Um and that that was my ultimate solution because my outgoings would be so much less that I would be able to afford to um, you know, do more with my yoga. Um, and I romanticized the idea, and I think I convinced myself that that was the answer. Uh, and it wasn't until my house was actually sold and I'd sold all my belongings. Um, I sadly lost my dog as well during that time, which is one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever gone through. But on reflection, I mean, she was nearly 18, and on reflection, I think she knew that our time together was coming to a close, and she freed me up for this next stage of my life. Um, because then what happened? Because I didn't have her to think about, I decided um, sold the house, sold most of my belongings, made myself homeless, decided to go traveling for a little while. And it was while I was staying at my friend's clumping site um in the Howgirl Fells, Howgirls Hideaway, that I had this epiphany. And this is where that trust in the universe part comes in and the stars are lining. Because until this point, I was still kind of just fumbling in the dark, waiting for a sign, waiting for something to happen. Um, and this was it. And decided that I could buy a yurt to put on the lamp, and that's when the yurt was born. So until that point, yeah, that's the stars aligning. That's the message from the universe to do this, and the the rest has all just kind of fallen into place, and that's when you kind of know that you're on the right path. Don't get me wrong, there's been moments where it has been hard, and um, there's definitely been some tears and doubt and frustration along the way, but ultimately I think what I've had is that gut feeling, that gut knowing that this is what I'm meant to be doing. And even though there's times where it's hard, just keep going with it because it is going to work out.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Absolutely saying, like, how do you how do you tap into that?

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Oh gosh, big question. Um I guess it's like we were saying before, that there's an element of going with the gut and trusting that things are just going to unfold, but also doing the work that goes with it. So I'm not just sat here waiting for my business to grow, waiting for people to find me, um, waiting for the the income to come in, which ultimately at the end of the day is is what I need to happen. Um, but you know, I am I'm working bloody hard to make this dream. Um I have to still work through it and work with what's put in front of me and work with the disappointments as well. And I think it's when those disappointments happen that you still have to tap into that gut feeling. And I do a lot of meditation, so you know, I sit with that feeling, I sit with um questioning myself about various things and noticing how that feels in my body, uh, noticing what feels right, what maybe feels off, and then questioning why does it feel off, make it feel better and to work better for me. Um yeah, and obviously I do a lot of writing as well, such tree, which helps me explore how I'm feeling about things.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Um yeah, going off on a bit of a tangent now, but that's you know, there might be there might be people um listening thinking, gut instincts, what the hell are you talking about? You know, I know I've got no idea what this gut is. So it's it's interesting to what that means to you and how it is that you that you tap into it. So that's really um interesting.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

So I think it it really is a bodily feeling. So in yoga we teach about the chakras and the solar plexus chakra, which is in your abdomen area, is is linked with that gut feeling, it's the fire in your belly, it's presented by uh the fire element passion and drive and motivation, and uh it's a very masculine energy, and so when you feel it, and you know it's where the saying that fire in your belly comes from, which is linked to that gut instinct. And so when you feel it, you for those people that aren't sure what it feels like. Like it's about becoming more intuitive with your body and understanding how your body feels in certain situations, and you know, when you're anxious, you get that that feeling in your chest, that tightness in your chest, and um sick as well, and so that's the feeling in your stomach, and and so it's really bit paying attention and tuning in to what feels right in your body, and I guess one of the easiest ways, maybe, which especially as a woman, we might not always like to think about, but if something feels off, if we ever feel unsafe, it's that feeling that you get as well in your body, and so it's the opposite of that when you know that it's something, right? You get all those kind of um cliches and phrases that we say that do come, they you know, they're not just plucked out of thin air. Nobody just made up that you get butterflies in your tummy. It's linked to that actual physical feeling that you get in your belly when you're excited or nervous about something.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

You're so and you're absolutely nodding along like, yep, yep, yep. I see this all the time, and I feel like a lot of where a lot of where we are in society as a general now is very disconnected. We're very we're dry driven by the mind focus, we're so switched on, on, on. And we lose that mind-body art connection. And so it's it is quite hard sometimes for people to be able to sit where do you feel that in your body? I find that a lot of my work is really embodied, and like for people to be able to connect, and are in the body, quite hard sometimes for people uh when they're new to new to this type of work, right? And it's again then finding is there a colour, is there a word, is there a name that achieves something that sort of starts that ball rolling in a in a way that's really reconnecting you to you? Because I mean, as you just said, we are like huge pools of wisdom that's just waiting to scream out if we will slow down to to let our own wisdom come to the fore. We we're we're we're just there. We we're so we're so quick and busy. And I can you just said like meditation, journaling, poetry, writing, um, or whatever your creativity is, if it's dance, being outside, whatever it is, it's connecting to that and starting to the things that are showing up in your in your body, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And it's definitely what I've a lot during my um retreats and through the bodywork that I provide as well. So uh through my Ayurvedic yoga massage, it's it's very different to your usual massage, which tends to be hands-on. This is very much about um assisted yoga stretches as well, and people feeling deeper into their bodies and and feeling things that they can't necessarily feel just by stretching by themselves, it's going deeper into it and and and knowing that there's more going on in their bodies. Um, and you know, through through my retreats and through the yoga, it's very much about stepping out of that busyness of the mind and reconnecting with how your body's feeling and moving through your body, what energy can you feel moving through your body? Um, and alongside that, through my poetry that I write, which um I write a lot of meditation like poetry meditations, to give people things to reflect on during that, which encourages them to reflect on what's going on in their own life and notice while they're reflecting on that what's going on for them, what's coming up for them, where do they feel it in the and all of that kind of um reconnection. So, yeah, it's what I'm very passionate about because on a day-to-day basis, we're not doing that, we're not getting that opportunity, and we're constantly living in fight or flight mode. So to be able to actually step back, even if just for half a day or a day, able to have that time to just pause and notice things hopefully will come up for them as well, that they can take away with so that it is more.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Like, what does that look like? How does that feel for me? And asking ourselves constantly these types of questions, it starts to challenge narratives that come up all of the time for for all of us, and it starts to when we can start challenging them and step back from them and see a lot of these are not, you know, they're not correct, like they're just made up shit that's been stored in our filing cabinet for yeah, exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

And it's really hard to to change that voice in your head as well when we've been so used to it for so long.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

So definitely that you've been doing. And on that note, then how do you um how do you continue to live that every day when like you were saying, like things maybe feel impossible, like you know, we're growing the starting a business, growing it, um feeling desperate, and I love just like jumping out of that box and crushing it.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

I think it's a few different things. One is that I've been given this opportunity, I've got this opportunity. This is happening for a reason, and I've got to keep going at it because I've got this far. Um, I have to keep plugging away at it and reminding myself that it is still very much early days. It's only six months since I've been officially self-employed. Um what else? Um, I think on those the hard days, the disappointments which you're gonna get in the early days of business, you know, having to cancel events, not get feeling like nobody knows you there, and all those kind of things. I allow myself to be sad by it. I like I allow myself to feel that kind of upset and maybe a bit pissed off as well that you know I'm doing all this work and I'm still not seeing the people come through the door, kind of thing. Um, but then getting back to it, doing the work. What do I need to do next? How do I reach more people? Um so yeah, not just sitting back and waiting for them to come to me. Um I think other things that I'm doing that is really helping is going to networking events, surrounding myself with other women in business who have been there, who understand, who know, who've got nuggets of wisdom that can help, who can pick me up when I'm feeling a bit shit, um, encourage me to keep trying again, um, putting me in contact with people that might be able to help, all that kind of thing. And I think as well, alongside that is just knowing that I don't want to go back to that life that I was living. I I can't go back to that life that I was living because and I don't want to be there again. You know, I've created this life for myself, but now I've got so much balance and I'm doing what really feels aligned with my soul and what I've been brought here to do, and reminding myself that every time I'm at the yurt doing an event, surrounded by mainly women. I I'm not women exclusive, I am open to men joining as well, but it is mainly women that come to my um events, but knowing that I'm making a difference to them as well, getting from the people that are coming, is just so soul-affirming. It's so just that's a minder of this is why I'm doing it. Because, as I said before, yes, it's about getting bombs on C. Yes, it's about uh uh making an income from this. I you know, I took redundancy as my soul and saying I do need to make money, but more than anything, I love being able to dull some sense of peace, some sense of coming back to themselves. Like I said before, if only for that into their daily lives, that helps them cope a little bit better, even if just for a short period, then I've done something because I've been that person in that situation, needing that support, needing that kind of time out, needing somebody to guide me through that because we're so busy we don't know how to do it for ourselves. So having that person to just take the time with you, to be quiet with you, to guide you through some thoughtful processes to guide you back into your body, then that is what I absolutely love doing.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

And on hard days, that is what always yeah, I love that, and you can see like you're so energized and so passionate about I want to go back to something that you um around you allow yourself to because I think this is really, really critical that I'll do this. You allow yourself to feel sad, but then you get back on it, and I think there's a really clear distinction there, isn't there, between allowing yourself that space, not collapsing into it, and then moving away.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Um I think it probably does take a bit of practice because again, as a society, we're told just to put a plaster on it and get on with it, and we haven't been very good at wearing our emotions. I think we are getting as a society, you know, a society, we are getting better at sharing how we're feeling and accepting how we're feeling and sitting with how we're feeling. But I think as somebody who works in this arena with yoga, with mindfulness, with meditation, with body work, and having practiced myself in those modalities well since I started practicing yoga personally, um that teaches you to sit with your emotions and not suppress them. And I think a lot of the um modalities that I've tried do open something up within you, they open emotions, they release emotions, and been surrounded by facilitators that help you with those emotions and not um, but also I think um for a couple of years I worked as a uh the head of bereavement care for Alder Hay Children's Hospital, which was obviously a very intense job, very emotive job. And there's a danger working in that line of work on the barrier up and not allowing yourself to feel the devastating stories that you hear. Um being with families at their absolute worst time, you do have to have a level of detachment. But through that work, um, I had to have regular supervision, I had to have regular support from somebody who I was able to offload to and share my emotions with and share my feelings, and I think that really taught me to not lose touch of how I was really feeling and not to be ashamed to say how I was feeling. And yes, there's a certain level of detachment that you sometimes need in a job, and those feelings are human, and so I think from that as well, I have learned to really be in tune and allow myself to recognise how I'm feeling, and if that is that I feel shit, but just go with it to do for as long as I need to.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

That space is is huge, isn't it? But and I think also, and especially in that type of that type of work, I mean, must be so harrowing and hard to to hear. There's also sometimes a comparison point. I see this with people who work in NGOs in charity industries and things like this, where they start to downplay their own trauma, their own um sadness, their own things, because well, what have I got to complain about what they're going through? So I don't have I I've got no to, you know, like my life's great, I've got a job, I've got da-da-da-da. And we start to compare in that way, and actually our sadness is our sadness, and we we are allowed to own it, whether it is sadness, anger, whatever that emotion is that we are allowed to feel, yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

And um again, I think it was that job that I did experience a level of that because I I do um experience anxiety, and um even though I absolutely really loved that job, and I was really good at it as well, and I knew I knew what I could do for that service to make it even better, but it was NHS and it was very difficult working in the NHS, it was through COVID as well. Um, so I was coming up against barriers with um the politics of the NHS, if you like, the funding of the NHS, and so I found it really difficult, and so it was making me ill at the time. And you know, I did go through that whole how can I be feeling like this when all these families that I work with have gone through something so much worse. But I did, I I had to learn to honour how I was feeling, and if anything, I think in in a way, it kind of led me to drive myself further forward towards the work that I'm doing now because when you're working with death, it does force you to look at your own mortality and realize that anything could happen at any time, and so, in a way, I think for me, I wanted to take the opportunities or make opportunities for myself that those children were never gonna get. And so, in a way, it did become a driver, and I did decide to leave that job in the end because even though I loved it, it was a difficult environment to work in, not because it was death, but because of the difficulties in the NHS. Um, and so I did leave, and that was my first stepping stone to then creating this new life that I wanted.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Um I love the going off on ones, it's my life. Um something you did say though that I ooh, interesting were with anxiety, and yet you still um pushed yourself, got out of that box, gave it a good stamp. Was that a difficult path to to go down?

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Yeah, I think it's because of the anxiety, probably that it it pushed me towards living a different life. Because in the nine to five, you know, the daily grind, I don't think I was made for that kind of life at all. And again, through practicing yoga myself, through going to lots of different kinds of therapies, treatments, all kinds of, you know, I've tried everything, Reiki, acupuncture, I've tried it all um in a in an attempt to make myself feel better, instead of just learning how to manage it myself and and knowing deep down that what I really needed to do was live my life on my own terms and create a life for myself that supported these kind of isms that I have, including anxiety. And I think, you know, the last couple of years um and hitting peramenopause as well, and the realization that um but I think there is a lot more going on under the surface for me, um that I have struggled with for many, many years, um and realizing now that actually it probably is um ADHD, um which is now menopause symptoms. And so I think you know, as difficult and as challenging I find some of those um isms as I call them that I have, um in a way I think I have to hold them responsible for putting me where I am stay doing what I was doing, and so I have had to pluck myself out of that box to do something different, basically, and through yoga and come on.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Oh sorry, cut into it. Um I guess does it go back to almost as well, like that the desperation, the the anxiety, and the tipping point that actually it all sort of combusts in a way that this is not manageable and something has to give, something has to change.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

Yes, definitely. And I think you know, a joke that my mum thinks I'm having a midlife crisis, but I call it a midlife awakening, and that is absolutely what it is for me. It's this this time that and I think you know, we've often labeled people as having a midlife crisis, but why does it have to be labelled a crisis? Why can't it just be a midlife change, a midlife uh rebirth, a midlife awakening? Because it comes to a point where you can't keep going with the the things that you've been doing. I know that in a way I'm I'm in a different situation to many women because I don't have children, I'm not married, I don't have other people to consider in this as such. Um, I do just have myself to think about. So, you know, maybe it probably does because I don't have to consider anybody else. But um, yeah, again, I've I've lost my train of thought because I'm going off at one.

SPEAKER_01 42:31

It's interesting to to hear that, like the differences between having um, you know, like that anxiety, that desperation of like this cannot, this cannot uh where we are in society, um tells us that there's nothing in connecting back to ourselves. Actually, we need to be, you know, I was the same. I'd done everything, reading books and so many different um modalities, trying so many different types of philosophies and whatnot, therapy, coaching. Oh god, the works. And actually, exactly as you said, for me, it was really that that slowing down and reconnecting back to myself. And for me, it also came through yoga and meditation initial initially, but I think society tells us social media tell well, not even society, social media tells us we're not perfect, there's not something there, something isn't quite you know, square on. You're a little bit askew, you're not falling, you know, you're in that box, you're not in the box, you're an out of size box. And it doesn't like it. So when we do things that are a little bit different, it makes other people also question things that are going on in in their life. Like if you if you went to a party and said, Oh, I'm not drinking, what do you mean you're not drinking? What's what's what's Wrong and or what's what's happening? Are you sick? Are you pregnant? Are you whatever? And it will be like I you would maybe, I mean, I wear two, people would ask those questions. Question, yeah. It's just doing things that are outside of that that norm, isn't it? We don't like as a general, we don't like change, but it just keeps us so stuck.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Yeah. And we don't like anything that's different either, because it it doesn't do. Um, and so people do question it. Um, but as as hopefully come through while we've been chatting, I am a big advocate for living your life differently. And you know, sticking a finger up at society and saying, no, I'm not, I'm not gonna take what you've fed me because the lies like the you don't have to do what you're telling me, you don't have to live the conventional life, and there's actually a lot of magic that can be found in stepping away from that. And I wouldn't have been to half the places that I've been to or met half the people that I've met and the friendships that I've built and the experiences that I've had if I hadn't have done things a bit differently. Yeah, and I'll forever be grateful for that.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Just being open to those opportunities that come up and think recognize there is a way to do there is a way to do different, and that's that's okay. It should be there's celebration. I mean, I think I'd be before I met Simon, um, I just turned literally a week after my 40th, and um I was not looking to really um that's not true. I was looking to meet somebody, but I didn't need to, and I think that was the difference where I'd been earlier in my life. It was like that need, desperation, like I wanted to, I had to, and actually I filled my life with me. And when I yeah, the cheesy, when I fell in love with me, um actually changing it opened up into something different. That when when he came along, yeah, it was like, oh, okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Yeah, yeah. And you know, there's that old saying, isn't there? It's a cliche, but you have to love yourself before anybody else will love you. And I think that's where a lot of us are still going wrong. And I've just got to the point where I decided that I I'm gonna build a life for me. And if at some point somebody comes into that life, then they will compliment it, but they're not gonna fill a hole that's not there because my life is so full with other things that I don't need it in my life. I am happy and content, you know. I've only been living here in Kendall, it's a year next month, and I've just I've just met so many amazing people, and I can spend my time going on hiking groups with women, going wild swimming, and I just I it's really hard to explain, but I just I love the life that I'm building for myself, and yeah, maybe I'd like to meet somebody at some point, but that isn't missing from my life because I've filled it with so many other things that I love doing that I'm so fulfilled anyway. And I think that's what we all need to be striving for.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

Yeah, absolutely 100%. And I think that's actually the purpose, isn't it? It's like feeling having that sense of fulfillment in your life, that sense of direction, what you want that if if anybody, if somebody was to come into it, actually that's a brilliant word. It complements, it's not a need, it's not a necessity. It's a ah, okay. What are you what what is gonna evolve into something but you're already filled, you're already whole that it's um yeah, something different, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 48:22

Okay, so in fact, I think I've probably filled it so much I don't don't have time.

SPEAKER_01 48:30

Yeah, like sorry, no, no. So how does it feel today um to know that your life has changed, Shelley? And how do you celebrate yourself for it?

SPEAKER_00 48:47

Oh gosh, it's like I said at the beginning, I get really emotional when I think about it. And it is making sure that I stop and feel proud of myself and keep reminding myself of the achievements that I've made and not feeling guilty or embarrassed for feeling proud of myself because again, as a society, we don't blow our own trumpets enough. We're taught to be modest, aren't we? And you know, don't boast, don't show off and all of that jazz. Um, but I am pretty proud of myself for what I've built and what I've achieved. Proud of you, Fiona. Um and again, it's that knowing and trusting that I'm in the right place, I'm doing the right thing, and I'm building something that is creating a space for people to come to that they're getting something out of. And that's really important to me that this this is a space for other people to come and feel some of the benefits that I've felt over the years. But I guess how do I celebrate myself? It's hard, isn't it? I mean, I give myself a glass of red wine every now and then.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

I mean, that's it for me, that's also that's a good um celebration. How you celebrate yourself um in that in that way. And within that, then do you think is that what you wouldn't have be more celebration, more joy of self?

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Yeah, for myself, yeah, I think so. I guess one of the ways I celebrate myself or reward myself, maybe, is allowing myself time to go off and do things, like especially midweek, which in the nine to five I would never have been able to do. So being able to go and meet somebody for a coffee on a Monday morning or going for a hike on a Friday, uh I allow myself to make time in my calendar to do that, and that's like my little reward um to to celebrate the achievement. Go on. I know, go on, carry on, um as you know, social media can be. I think one thing that I am trying to do on um my social feed at the moment is share a little bit more of myself and not just constantly be selling and posting about my events, but allowing people to get to know me. And so, as part of doing that, I am having to share my journey and how far I've come, and also reflecting on the highs and the lows of running a business and being honest about that and people, um yeah, so that's yeah, that's one way that I'm using social media to be a bit more positive.

SPEAKER_01 51:58

Yeah, and I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

I mean, it would have felt impossible to own a yurt. I never thought that you know, when when I was looking at um doing more of my yoga, it was always with a view to hiring a space, renting places. Um I never thought I would have had somewhere to call my own. Um and now the yeart is you know, the yurt is my baby, the yard and joy, it's where I put my love, it's what I nurture, and um yeah, uh a while ago that would have felt impossible because I didn't even know how to free up my time and uh financially how to even cut down my hours more of my yoga in a so now um and finally, finally, um what would the um what would the th to Fiona to do? Well bloody done for ending that marriage. Well bloody done for listening. That it's that gut again, listening to that gut and knowing that I couldn't stay in that situation and not allowing the fear to stop me because even though I didn't know what would come for me next, and I think that Fiona back then made the right decision, and she put me directly on the path very quietly to where I am now because it was during that that I started yoga, and thank you to that Fiona for starting to go to that yoga class because that is what really has led me here now.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

Oh, maybe you're giving me goosebumps, Fiona. I love that. Thank you so so so much for all of those. I was furiously like rights of great things that I imagine people listening will also um hear and be hoovering up. Um I am I love hearing women's gentlemen where you've I love it kept coming back and back, getting out of the box, get out of the box, um, and find out of that box, out of that box. I think that is the that's the dance around the outside of the box. I love it. So I bloody love this chapter Fiona. I was so struck by her honesty and openness, the way that she spoke about rebuilding her life without trying to wrap it all up into some perfect inspirational story. There was one thing that kept coming back throughout the whole conversation, right? You know where I'm going. Get out of the box! It's so true. Get out of that box. The stories, the expectations, the identities. There's all versions of ourselves that we keep trying to force ourselves back into because they're familiar. And at one point, Fiona said, nothing is permanent and things change. And yeah, for me, that's where so much of our suffering sits clinging, trying to control, trying to force life to stay the same when something in us is already moving and it knows that it's time to move. This conversation was that it wasn't really about helping everything out.

unknown 55:46

It's just feeling listening to hair and whisper.

SPEAKER_01 56:23

We are waiting for a different life while taking absolutely nothing. Fiona described, I think, sorry Fiona's mum, it wasn't a midlife crisis, it was a midlife awakening, and I love it. And I'm claiming that as well, Fiona. So thanks so much for joining us.