When the impossible becomes possible - Amy Sheridan

What do you do when life suddenly looks nothing like the one you thought you were living?

A year ago, Amy Sheridan was hit by a rogue wave while on holiday with her family in Australia. In a matter of moments, her life changed completely.

In this episode of Finding Foundations, Amy shares what happened next. The physical recovery, yes, but also the much less visible experience of trying to keep going when everything feels overwhelming.

We talk about what happens when your way of coping is to put everything in a box, say “I'm fine” and move on. Why some of us are so good at pushing through difficult things but find it much harder to slow down, be vulnerable or ask for help. And what happens when the thing that made you resilient also makes it difficult to admit when you're struggling.

Amy talks about the small moments that began to change what she believed was possible. About focusing on the one thing she could do rather than everything she couldn't. And how, when the whole road ahead felt too much to contemplate, she learned to concentrate on what came next.

We also talk about how to cope when life doesn't go to plan, dealing with things you can't control, finding hope when things feel impossible, emotional resilience, the pressure to be okay, and learning to be more present rather than constantly looking towards what's next.

And perhaps most importantly, the people who stand beside us when life falls apart — and the love that difficult moments have a strange way of making impossible to miss.

Because sometimes the thing that feels impossible today doesn't stay impossible forever.

You don't always need to know how you're going to get there.

Sometimes you just need to find the next possible thing. 

Amy is an Australian Public Servant who has worked on human rights in the Attorney-General's Department and civil-military affairs in the Department of Defence. For the past decade, Amy has served as an Australian diplomat, completing postings in Bangladesh, Iraq and the Solomon Islands.  Since joining the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. Amy's career highlights have been leading Australia's humanitarian response to the Rohingya refugee crisis, steering the transition of Australia’s bilateral aid program with Afghanistan after the fall of Kabul, and working with the United Nations on stabilisation efforts in Iraq.  Amy is passionate about gender equality and amplifying women's voices in humanitarian action and post-conflict reconstruction.  When not working, Amy can be found bushwalking in the Blue Mountains, cooking pasta, and singing in international diplomatic cover bands including world renowned Band-la-desh. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm super excited. My guest this week is Amy Sheridan. Amy is an Australian public servant who has worked on human rights in the Attorney General's Department and civil military affairs in the Department of Defence. For the past decade, Amy has served as an Australian diplomat, completing postings in Bangladesh, Iraq, and the Solomon Islands. Amy's career highlights have been leading Australia's humanitarian response to the Rohingyaf refugee crisis, steering the transition of Australia's bilateral aid programme with Afghanistan after the fall of Kabul, and working with the United Nations on stabilisation efforts in Iraq. Amy is passionate about gender equality and amplifying women's voices in humanitarian action and post-conflict reconstruction. When not working, Amy can be found bushwalking in the Blue Mountains, cooking pasta and singing in international diplomatic cover bands, including world-renowned band Ladesh, which I had the brilliant experience of witnessing in Bangladesh and in Sweden. I am so excited about this episode. Let's get into it. Hi Amy, thank you so much for joining us today. I really, really appreciate taking the time and love the massive time difference trying to work that out. I think it's worse for you than it is for me. Yeah, you get to, you've definitely got the uh glamorous end of the deal here.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

I've got a lovely sunset behind me, and you've got a sunrise. So I think I had a better end of respect.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Yeah, you definitely, absolutely did. So um tell me, what does it and what does it feel like hearing the bio that we um that I just read out?

SPEAKER_01 1:44

I often have to supply my my bio to people in my line of work, and every time it gets read out, I I wonder if they're reading the right thing. I cannot believe um that all those things are true and that I've got to live this life. When I think of myself as, you know, 18, 19, 20-year-old Amy, if she had known what was coming and that that this was all possible, then um she would have been a very happy and maybe slightly more confident young woman.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah, I mean, this is this is like the truth, right? We look back now and it's like all these, uh like we were just saying, all these cliches where it's just so true, and you think, oh my god, like why did I ever not think that? Why didn't I appreciate myself in that way? And it's craziness. Yeah, I mean, it's what an incredible career, what an incredible life that you've been living in so so many different contrasting countries and experiences. It's it's mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah, no, I'm very lucky. I've also worked very hard to get where I I am. And many of those experiences have been delightful and wonderful, and some of them have been horrifically hard. So everyone makes back.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess also in that way is like when life is really linear and nothing is moving and changing, it feels, I think, really stuck. Also, there is that um, there is something that goes with the cycles, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:19

I mean, I dream of linear. Linear sounds sounds really cool. Like that sounds so nice and predictable and controllable and and easy. So something about that that that sounds really appealing, but I know that that's not that's not what my life has been. It's it's highly likely that's not what my life will be. So you've just got to ride those ups and downs, I think.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Yeah, you are you are you're a lot of series of threes. So like every posting would be a three.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yes, yes. The number three does uh permeate my life many times. And the fact that we we go on it, we've gone on posting for three years, it's like that's my measure. So everything is in three-year instalments, and that's how I plan my life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Oh, there must be something numerology-wise in a three-year song. I don't know that answer. I'll have to look that one up. Yeah, but thank you again, thank you so much for joining us today. And if you entirely also up to you as we as we were talking, but thinking about the the journey that we were we were that we were discussing. Feel free to share or not share whatever you like. Um but what do you think was what's the one proof that you have come to know on the other side of that journey? And is there a word or a metaphor or a cliche that some say yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Yeah, I think it is probably important to talk a little bit about the particular event because I think unfortunately for me, uh, it's not the your sort of singular, horrible, traumatic thing that's happened to me. There have been many in my life. But the response that I've had to this one has been slightly different, and so I think it's important to just articulate that story a little bit. So, about a year ago, I I had a serious accident while I was on a holiday with my family on the south coast of Australia. I um was hit by a very large rogue wave in a swimming pool that was an ocean pool, and it sucked me out of the pool and threw me onto the rocks and um very rough ocean below, and I broke some vertebrae um and some ribs and um was paralyzed from the chest down. My family were with me that day. Um, my sister, my partner, my brother-in-law, my two nieces who were all on the beach and watched the whole thing unfold. Um, and uh my my partner and my brother-in-law, and some some very brave strangers from the beach ran in and yanked me out of the water because I um could not move. Um, all I could do was take a break every time a wave hit me. Um I was rushed to hospital. I had surgery very, very quickly. Um, and I had some very impressive hardware installed in my back. I've got two metal, two metal poles and about 20 metal screws up the length of my spine. Um, but fortunately my spinal cord was not severed, it was only compressed, so they were able to relieve that pressure pretty quickly. And then within a couple of days of being in the intensive care unit, the doctors told me that they thought I'd make a full recovery and that that I would would walk again and uh would have a normal life. So that was the accident. Um and when I think about something that I would use to summarize that experience. And it's it's it's so interesting that you actually mentioned this word before. Um, and I was like, okay, this is gonna be interesting that that you already talked about this. For me, the sentiment that sums up my experience is that things that felt impossible have become possible. Oh god, shivers. Yeah, I mean that in the the most basic sort of sense in that um when I was under the water when I was in the waves and I couldn't move my body, and my brain told me, all you can do right now is breathe. And so that's all I did was was breathe. When I was sitting in the hospital, there's this an image that often comes back to me. I was lying in the ICU when I had a hundred cords coming out of me. I couldn't move. I was in tremendous pain. My back had just been opened up, and um, there were glass walls everywhere in the ICU, and across the hall from me, there was a woman who was about, I'm guessing, 60, 70 years old. She had long gray hair, and she was sitting there, um, sitting upright in bed with her legs crossed, drinking a cup of tea. And I remember lying there completely immobile and wrapped with pain and just thinking, how is she doing that? How is she sitting up? That's amazing. I'm never going to be able to do that. I'm never going to be able to sit up myself. I'm never going to be able to like hold a cup of tea and drink it. Like that's sort of the level of the physical limit I was under. But then, you know, within two walks, two weeks, I was doing laps around the ward. Like, if someone had told me that that was possible, I probably wouldn't have believed them. But turns out it was. And I can apply that metaphor to so many points of the journey that I've gone through, from being able to just sit up and have a cup of tea in bed to being able to move to the Solomon Islands less than a year, six months after I had my accident and resume my life and resume my job. Like all of these things were impossible to me. They have become possible with the the passing of time. So that's that's what I think about when I think about this particular journey is that you can overcome it. Yeah. And I don't want to sound like polyannery about it. I don't want to be like, you know, the cliche thing, like anything is possible. Like, you know, some things aren't. Um, my life is different. Um, you know, I live with chronic pain. I live with a ladder in between me and any surface that's behind me. Like there are some things I will never be able to do again. But I can sit up in bed and I can have a cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

So oh my god, Amy, there's literally so many questions that are now just racing through my racing through my mind there. But one thing that really struck me, you said that when you were lying there, and your brain said the one thing you can do is keep breathing. And sometimes that's it, isn't it? It's just focusing on what is the one thing that I could what is the one thing that I can can do right now in in my life that's oh it's exactly like Anna says in Frozen 2, the next right thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Many, many nieces in my life. Uh yeah, no, it absolutely is. Okay, what's next? In that moment it was breathing, the next week it was sitting, the next week it was taking a step, the next week it was having a bowel movement, the next week it was and so on and so on. And it's like this this pebble that you know it it gets larger and larger the more it sort of expands out in that body of water, and over time they're suddenly doing things that you never thought you'd be able to.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, I mean that's amazing, but I don't think it is a cliche, like literally the anything is possible is the driver for why I do what I do now, because a true I do truly believe that the life that we always want. I mean, obviously, there's a booth and an accident, etc. There's different things that go with that, but in general, the life that we want is always there if we are willing to take action and and move towards it. But I guess in oh sorry, I've lost my blooming train of thought now. There was a question in there. Um there was a question in there for you. Um but I do really love that as a sentiment to to hold that anything is possible. And if I when you were talking, uh several points of that, I just felt feel really struck by this almost like a micro moment in time that changes everything, but then also somehow times again to you in an adjusted way, in a different way, give you your life back, also.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

It it's a process and it's a framework you can apply. So in that moment, take the breath, take the step, it's the next thing. But if you actually use that as a a way to sort of govern and guardrail your life, it actually gives you a pretty clear pathway for how you can choose to respond and react to certain things and the way you carry yourself and the way you make decisions and uh you summon your courage. And if you just agree to maybe just do one thing extra or one thing new, or maybe consider that even though it is impossible today, it might be possible tomorrow, then I think that's that's a good approach.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Yeah. And it's simple as well, isn't it? Because it cuts away all the nonsense, it cuts away all the bullshit, and it's like, what's the one thing that I can do now? What is that one, what's that one thing, and just keep moving from I mean, it obviously also sounds incredibly simple. It must have been very hard at that point to believe that there was another one thing that you could keep doing and moving with.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Well, I don't think if if you sort of line up all the things that I knew I had to do, i.e. learn to walk again, get out of hospital, somehow find the energy to go back to work, to do a job that's physically demanding, to be a good partner, to be a good aunt, to be a good sister, all those things together, that's too that was too much. When I thought about the the massive journey that was ahead of me, that was overwhelming. And I think, yeah, breaking it up into sort of more consumable bite sizes, I was a little bit more, a little bit more pragmatic.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, but it also makes it feel doable, doesn't it? When it's literally it's not it's not like you say like the whole process that goes one, two, three, four, five. It's like, okay, one, where are we at? What am I doing? How does that look and what's what's going what's going on there? Yeah. Yeah. And how long do you think at that at that point, how long do you think it it took to sort of really feel believable that anything is possible?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I still don't I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think. And it does sound a little like even when I say it out loud, even when I just said it to you, it sounds it sounds way too cheerly to me. I don't know. I think I'm still working through that. I think it was just it was it was micro moments. It wasn't like a a sudden reckoning or a sudden revelation. Oh, anything's possible. It was like tiny little bullets of proof, like like those first few steps I took. I was like, oh, okay, okay, I will accept that I might be able to walk again. I will accept that that's possible. But there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to do this and this and this and this and this and then catastrophize everything and feel very sad and depressed and angry about it. But it was like continuous little micro reminders of that possibility. And it sort of built over time and collectivized over time. And I found myself believing it and buying into it more and more. And I think it's only in hindsight that I, when you asked that question and I thought about it, that that's where I landed, that things that felt impossible have become possible. Because I don't think that was something that I felt at the time. And it was only after having gone through all of those things that I started to feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

And I guess yeah, sorry, the skew, sorry, the pull-in that way, but it's like at that point, it literally is putting one foot in front of the other, and if it's one step today, it's two tomorrow, it's three, maybe it goes back to one, but it keeps you you keep going and you keep you keep moving.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Now, as you said, you're you're already a year and a year later. What did that what did that middle part look like and and feel like at that time? How did you keep going?

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Well, I mean, I I don't think I'm a poster child for a healthy way of dealing with trauma. My particular brand of dealing with trauma is to squash it down to the furtherest recess of my soul, pretend like it didn't happen, nothing to see here, everything's fine, we're moving on, okay? Yeah, like I was just so determined to get over it as quickly as I possibly could and get back to my life. Because a lot of my life, I was perfectly happy and the happiest that I had been in such a long time. I was so annoyed that this happened because you know, things were finally really clicking and falling into place, and I was genuinely content. So I was so pissed off that this happened. I didn't need any reminders of what my sister calls, you know, she always says, we didn't need any reminders of how precious our lives are. We we've had plenty. And so my my approach was just like, okay, we're done. I'm fine, everything's fine, and now we can just move forward and be completely happy again. Yeah. So I don't think I really allowed myself to fully feel um the pain, the anger, and the unfairness of that whole thing and the randomness of that whole thing, because I was just so determined to move on. So when I when I said before that I I said I'm I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think that's what I'm coming to terms with. It's yeah, I've had this wonderful physical um recovery. I'm walking, I'm running, I'm jumping, I'm dancing. Um, people look at me, they have no idea. Tell them my story, and they are flabbergasted because you wouldn't tell there was anything wrong with me. And then they see this scar on my back and they're like, holy crap, what happened to you? Which um, yeah, it's hot in the Solomon Islands and people aren't as polite as they are back home. But I um yeah, I think um how I dealt with it was just to run through it as quickly as I could. And maybe I should have slowed down a bit more and let myself really uh heal in a much more healthy and kind way.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Um there's also somehow going back to that one thing, it's almost like was that a point where it's like actually first I need to physically heal, and then maybe that's something that that comes that comes later. There's one thing, what can I do right now? I need to physically rebuild my life.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Yeah, I I 100% agree. Um, and I think at the time and this sort of very, very acute period, those first few months, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to be dealing with that side of it. All I had the energy to do was have physical recovery. But I was very aware of that. And I my sister is a clinical psychologist, so she was on this from you know the moment it happened, and she was like, You have to feel it, you have to talk about it. I'm like, I know, but that's just gonna go in a box over there until we're ready to open that box because right now I'm dealing with this problem. Um yes, that that physical problem rather than that emotional problem. Yeah, which kind of fed that whole approach I was taking with just like, let's just get through this as fast as we possibly can. I kept waiting for that box to um to open itself. It didn't really, I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU, I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. This is very strange. And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. I'm like, no, I don't do that. I don't, my body doesn't do that, and my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. Um, but to open itself, it didn't really. I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU. I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. This is very strange. And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. I'm like, no, I don't do that. I don't, my body doesn't do that, and my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. Um, but I'm pretty certain that's what was actually happening. But that only lasted a few days and then they went away. As I said, I think it's only really been around that sort of one year anniversary where I've let myself feel a little more open to to talking about the emotional trauma of that, not just the physical.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Yeah, I mean that that's the thing, isn't it? So everything is I don't know why. I always kind of come to a Harry Potter. I'm not even a Massive fan, but when you look at Baltimore and he starts off all of himself with these whore crookses. I don't know if you know Harry Potter.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Um I'm following you, yeah, keep going.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

But he separates himself off into all of these whore crookses and he he throws them as far apart as possible. And that's what he's evil and he's the body, but that's what gives him the strength. And actually, when all Harry Potter, his um his journey, he is finding all of those and destroying them because when they when he comes back together as a as a whole somehow that's when he's vulnerable. And actually that's part of our journey as well, isn't it? That it's coming back as that whole being vulnerable and being open and feeling whole again.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah, I I guess that's I love that we're talking about Harry Potter and Frozen in this context in this conversation. And I think that is highly appropriate. I think for me I didn't really see it as like separate parts of myself and gathering them all up at the end. I I kind of felt like it was just a Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It was just like survival shelter food. And then at the the very bottom of that pyramid is emotional well being but I think what I'm learning is perhaps we need to flip that that triangle upside down a little bit. And yeah sort of just not be quite so focused on the I'm fine, everything's fine, I'm perfect. It's okay to say that you aren't um and that part of yourself is allowed to be made public and that when you do that Hamani and I don't know the other characters will come around you and um and help you and love you and and support you and right right is that is that right yeah yeah hermani and right exactly yes exactly you your dream team are going to be there with you and and I think that's a really good point.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

In that way who obviously you had acute things that you were going through at that time and how did the people who were around you like for them also who were with you on the day and obviously with you on your your recovery it's it's a huge life changing part for all of you.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Ah absolutely this did not happen to me this happened to so many people and it's funny because I feel like in a way it has affected those that love me more sorry it affected those who love me the most more than it affected me because they saw it happen and they witnessed my pain and were scared that they would lose me. I didn't see this happen I never thought for a second that you know I wouldn't walk even though there was that possibility I was like no this actually is not conceivable to me. But I think in some ways it was harder for the people that loved me than it was for me. And I think that's partly also because I'm like okay we're fine we're moving on that might have something to do with that. If I back up a little second here's uh there's some things that have gone on yeah no my family um have struggled and in their own ways my brother in law and my partner had their own injuries my sisters and my extended family my my close friends my Canberra family that I call them yeah they all went through this with me in some ways far worse than I did.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah I guess in that way it's almost like you you had a focus um whereas they were like almost they got the helicopter view of everything the the initial witness and then witnessing your journey on the on the other side of it and of I guess obviously probably wanting to be strong for you and I think for them it was it was outward.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

It was like you could see the body, you could see me, you could see the pain you could see the hospital building the drives every day the the food collection the the letters to family like it was a very external experience but for me it was entirely internal. I was living inside my brain mostly I would say during that period and just like constantly thinking about how I'm gonna get better and what I need to do to fix this and uh it was a very internal experience for me.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Yeah and I don't know why and maybe this is not relevant for for you when you were saying that it just struck me something you were saying about when you were when you were in Baghdad being in those compounds and it's very insular everything looks the same. Was there any yeah did that any draws or parallels between that?

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Absolutely it's really interesting you say that. Yeah I think for you to be able to be happy in a place like Baghdad and living on compounds you have to have a very rich internal life and a vivid imagination that takes you out and above and far, far away. And I think I I think that's a real skill of mine is to be able to sit in some you know pretty horrible and challenging parts of the world and be able to sort of yeah use my brain and my creativity and my imagination to to create joy in life in those sorts of places.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Yeah because I mean it's always like there's always a green shoe of something somewhere yeah yeah and and that may be part of that why that metaphor of what feels impossible becomes possible that's imagination that's what that is that's that's creativity that's that's hope that is taking yourself out of your current situation by the power of your brain to something else yeah daring to believe daring to believe that there is something there is another possibility and was there was there a point any point where you were just like this is just not working like this is just not this is just not going to happen?

SPEAKER_01 28:35

No um no as I said like um even like in those first few days when we weren't actually sure if I was going to walk again I didn't believe that like even though I was deeply concerned about it I still there was something in the back of my mind that didn't quite let me believe that. Now whether that is absolute pure denial and a complete detachment from reality or whether that is my intrinsic ability to be hopeful I don't know maybe it's maybe it's the combination of the two but there was no point in my journey in the last 12 months where I didn't think I was going to be okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:17

Yeah oh I love that. Well I also see that in a different way that is that also that and in a connection to yourself that you you felt that actually no this is this isn't this isn't it I am not having maybe it's just maybe it I think that yeah that's definitely part of it.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

I'm like I'm not having this this is unacceptable to me this is not what I ordered um but I also think it was probably just honed a hone skill um yeah I've been through some other sort of pretty horrible things in my life and there were times previously where I was not that confident where I didn't feel that I was going to make it where I did feel like I didn't have hope and where I did feel hopeless and they were different contexts and they weren't necessarily about a physical um recovery which is what very much what this was about. So I have had those feelings before where I have like thought no I I don't think I can get through this but I didn't have those feelings for this one and I'm not I'm sort of I'm wondering now what what it was about me or my life then to allow me to have that different reaction this time.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Yeah I think everything shapes us doesn't it like the way where we are it takes us to one place and we learn something different we evolve and we move change to allow me to have that different reaction this time. Yeah I think everything shapes us the way where we are it takes us to one place and we learn something different we evolve and we move on and it's almost like that sometimes we we keep building that we keep pouring into that emotional resilience that we have so that I think sometimes that every time something happens we don't fall as far because we've built up that emotional resilience and our our cup is fuller that it's like okay what do I do with this how do in your like you like no this is not happening.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I um I'm not accepting this yeah no I I definitely think emotional resilience is a skill and I think it's something you can practice I think some people might be better at it than others um and might not have to try as hard um but I still think it's something you can build and develop over time. I mean I you don't want to be tested too much do you don't want to become a super expert a super resilient um person because that's kind of maybe maybe what I've been doing the last year is becoming a little bit too resilient and not and kidding keep keeping a bit of that soft underbelly I think is also um useful as well. Or maybe it was just turning 40 I don't know I mean you know it's a magical number.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Yeah I don't think yeah a lot of people really with 40 think oh no this is terrible it's a number isn't it and yeah 40's the new vetting is um as I go with that.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Yeah yeah um it was interesting what you were saying there about the everybody else who was coming along on that who has come along on that journey with you and do you think uh has that changed any of those relations with my brother in law I think he has been in our family um for as long as I can remember he he and my sister started dating when they were like I don't know twelve or something ridiculous I don't know and so he's always been in my life as a as a boy as a teenager as a young man and he jumped into that water and put his own life at risk in front of his wife and two girls feel tethered physically and emotionally to him because he was the first one to get to me. So funny that word just came into my head tethered and he tethered himself to me and then my partner got to me and both of them somehow managed to get my my my gratitude and my love for my brother in law has increased and I think the love I have for um my partner and my two sisters love them very much and I was already as close as I could be to those people I don't think that has changed it has just reconfirmed that love and that they are in my life but I think the unexpected uptake and love has been for my brother in law because even though we you know we were very close and he's as I said he's my brother in law and he's been part of my family so long.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

And I guess it seems like nobody ever wishes to know how you would respond or how we how you would react that somebody did that and that's a connection that you will you will have for life. My brother in law and my partner they um they saved my life that day and um that's a that's a fact or it you never quite uh forget it's literally as you said earlier it's like things don't happen to one person in I'm paraphrasing now but in isolation it's it's a whole collective isn't it that it makes us realize more that we are not alone we are something bigger.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Well the the beauty of of crisis and trauma is that it illuminates oh this sounds so hicky when you go through something like this you're like holy shit oh so much love a horrible way to a minute alone in that hospital I was there for six weeks it's just a line of people inside the door to come and spend time with me and comfort me and tell me that they loved me. Over the world that I hadn't seen for you didn't think you know people have thought of me that much but like the messages that I got from you know the far corners of the world was just that was such a lovely thing I think being reminded of of the fact that you were loved.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Yeah absolutely I mean I remember something I was thinking when you were talking that that's one of my that's one of my lasting sort of memories of uh memories or something that I knew about you in DACA was you were always very close to your family. You spoke about them a lot you were always especially with your nieces there was lots of things that you were always planning to do and go and that always sticks in my mind.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

So it's Amy said ah family in a family yeah well one thing that is not in my bio is world's greatest auntie so um maybe we should add that we'll just go we'll just correct that right there to you we'll put that in because you really always went that extra mile like you were so you are so involved invested and present yeah it was always clear that it was such a huge such a huge part of um I remember I don't go on Facebook very often and I remember your um post was at the top of my feed and I remember just thinking my God like this is unbelievable like how yeah so even as a very far distant bystander outstander whatever you want to call it it was it felt so visceral to to to see and yeah read about that news it felt really shocking that yeah yeah because it's not supposed to happen right yeah yeah yeah that's not supposed to happen that are close to me and love me and and have been involved in my life know that there have been many sad things that have happened um again seriously like you you've had your three you're done your three like you you're done like now the rest of your life is gonna be pure joy and happiness and the fact that that's not true for people I think that happens every time something bad happens to someone they're like no no this was not part of the plan and this is so unfair and and did we sign anything that said that life would be fair and that's a that's a bit of pill to swallow it's true.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yeah and what's now obviously a year and a year later what's the what's the taking what do you take from it that you're like that this is a learning for me and this is for my life moving forward yeah it's it's funny how often I get asked that question it's like when something bad happens to you you have to have some sort of revelatory what I'm slowly getting my head around is that and and just like white knuckling it maybe it's okay to stop maybe it's okay to be slow be a bit more present be a bit more vulnerable be a bit more in pain ask for a bit more help I'm slowly coming to terms with I'm slowly formulating some views around around that once you get through that that sort of immediate acute phase of of trauma it's like okay well what's the lesson and how do I improve and and how do I go forward and be happier and healthier and I haven't quite figured that out yet but I think it has something to do with um and being a little less perfect broken.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Because I am I'm broken in half me too yeah there has been much pain in my life and you can't just be expected to be glistening and sparkly and and everything's fine.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

So I think maybe it's around some of those words that I just inelquently kind of wrote no I like it I think there's so much in that that there are a lot of life lessons right just learning to accept learning to accept the all of those different things it's that's yeah that's a huge that's a huge life lesson right there. Now obviously being on the other side of it now you're in the beautiful Solomon Islands and with permanent sunshine and what's different for you now what's what's the what's the next what's the forward motion in what context you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

I think physically um not live the physical life that I used to live. There are some things I I can't do anymore things about living in in the Solomon Islands is got to get on a banana boat and go island hopping because jostling around up and down on a tiny boat. So there's there's a lot of limitations on what I can do physically with my body. There's a lot of limitations in what I how I choose to to walk around the world as well. I I really do feel like with this accident I played my Joker card times when I cross the road now instead of once because I just can't move around the world with that same level of carefree ness that I used to. So that's a little different. I am trying to be more slow um and to feel things a bit more not too much rather than just continually focusing on getting to the next thing doing the next thing making the next achievement getting that promotion getting that posting um trying to sort of sit with some of those uncomfortable like I said to you before like being linear would be lovely instead of these these peaks and troughs which are really inconvenient. Yeah so I think it's it's it's the knowing that there's restrictions on my body knowing that there's a the sort of moral um risk medicaments that that I have um through this experience and through all of the experiences.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Yeah yeah I love that because I guess it goes back again to that slowing down isn't it the slowing down being more present and keep coming back to where you are and where you are are able to be right now.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yeah and not be quite so forward looking. I'm I was always so well I still am I'm working on it but so focused on the future and what was next and I think I was just perpetually always moving towards something and could never enjoy where I was because I was always so one thing I one thing I've been doing the last few years is I've I keep a happy thoughts book continuing the movie theme did you ever watch Hook when you were a kid yeah yeah yeah yeah one of my favorite movies and um the happy thought the thing that makes them float the thing that makes them fly and so I thought okay every day I'm gonna write something down that is my happy thought for the day. Yeah um and I've found that to be a really really useful practice and I tell all my family and friends to do the same thing. Journaling um sort of not an exploration of feelings and um process but it's it's just a this thing happened today and it was really cool. And I just want to clock that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:43

I think that encourages presence yeah and that's the thing isn't it we we get so we get so stuck moving between the past and the future that we forget about the present we forget about what's going on right now because actually that's where life is being lived life is being lived right here right now we're talking it's not about you know in an hour's time maybe you're gonna go for dinner I'm gonna have my first coffee um there's there's these different things but it's it's literally what what is happening now.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

Yes because you could be literally hit by a wave and stuff through an ocean wall and end up in hospital for three months. So yeah you may as well try and be a little bit more present and enjoy yeah what's around you have your sense of perspective have your sense of gratefulness and yeah be yeah just be and what are you what are you most proud of yourself for in the journey that you have well are still in what would you give yourself happy thoughts for oh god that is such an awfully proud of the fact that I never lost My sense of humor or my sense of joy even in my really, really dark moments. I remember being wheeled off to surgery and I think I'd put my hand up in the air and said bye Felicia or something stupid like that. I my girlfriends sneak champagne into the spinal ward so I could illegally drink alcohol with him about that my relationships have become stronger through this. I'm really proud of my partner and I for getting through a deeply horrible time, better and stronger and more in love than we ever have been because that was hard, and to see him um watch me go through that pain and to to never leave. I'm so grateful that he never left because of my sisters and me, because we do this all without a motherfucker to you know continually get hit by light waves, um, and for us to still love and support each other the way we do, I'm so proud of us as well. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

That's called humor, joy, love, and sisterhood. Oh, I love that, Amy, that's amazing. And I feel really do you know the um the Japanese art of Kisugi? Yes, I've heard of that. Yeah. Um I don't know why, just I was thinking of that when when you were talking, and it's life breaks, it changes, and we can put it back together, and there's a gold thread that runs through things that it's useful again, but it's different, but it's whole again. Yeah. Well, there's your word. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

So the very first question you asked me, you asked me to identify a metaphor or a sort of sentiment or a word, and I very easily could identify some sentences and some some coming up for a word was was nearly impossible. I couldn't think of a word, but there you go. There's that that'll do. Yes, okay, we'll go with that.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Oh my god, Amy, thank you so much, Mike. I can't imagine uh a fraction of of what you have been through in the last year, but you your strength and your resilience is is incredible, but at no point did you doubt that anything was going to be any different. And yeah, you are writhing and living to tell the tale and basking in the eternal sunshine.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Yes, and the sweaty sunshine.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Yeah, but I really, really appreciate you taking the time to share and share your journey with us today.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

There's something beautifully simple about Amy's story. Not because what happened was simple, of course it absolutely wasn't. A rogue wave changed her life in a matter of seconds. One minute she was on holiday with her family, the next she was lying in intensive care, wondering if she'd ever walk again. What's really struck me wasn't just her recovery, which is incredibly remarkable, but it was how she recovered. She didn't try to solve the next year. She didn't try to figure out the rest of her life. She just kept asking herself, what's the next thing? One breath, one movement, one step, then another. I think that's such a powerful reminder because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the side by the size of what sits in front of us. We jump into the future, imagining everything that could go wrong, or we look backwards wishing things had been different. Meanwhile, life is just a life thing. It's happening right here, right now. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't having all the answers. It's just asking, what's that next thing I can do? Amy also reminded me of something else. We spend so much time wanting life to be neat and predictable, but it isn't, and we don't have that control. It never was, it never will be. And none of us are promised a straight line. I mean, how boring if it was just a straight linear line. Vuh! Which is why I love the Japanese philosophy of Kintsuki. When a piece of pottery breaks, they don't try to hide the cracks, they repair them with gold, making them feel that object. She loved it when I shared that with her team.

unknown 48:43

But sometimes the most beautiful fashion is me.